Leave Home
Immediateley following this Sunday's big game I will be leaving Seattle and heading to Los Angeles. Forever. Well maybe not forever, but as long as I can stand it. I've lived my whole life in the Northwest so it's gonna be a huge change. But it's time to go and I've never been afraid of changes. It's the regular day to day stuff that freaks me out.
Luckily for me, Lindsey is coming too. We're gonna drive down together so I picture it kinda like National Lampoons Vacation. We'll get in some wacky adventures. Maybe I'll see Christie Brinkley and eat a dog piss sandwich. Lindsey has huge jugs like Bevery D'Angelo too. So that'll be sweet.
Basically the reason why we're both moving is so we can continue working on the radio show. Which if you have yet to listen is on the home page of this site and hilarious!
Our column will pretty much stay the same for now but I'm sure the perspective will change once we get down to Southern California. I'm not really sure how it works down there, but I hope the chicks will hook up with dudes that aren't famous. That would suck if you had to be famous to score. I'll let you guys know.
We will be leaving the hot spots and night clubbing to Kris’ blog though. Last time I hung out in LA they wouldn't let me in the club anyways. I figured they just didn't know who I was. Lindsey is even more white trash then I am (she's from Poulsbo) so I don't think we'll have to worry about her either.
Actually quite a few people I know are moving out of Seattle at the same time. I think it's the weather. It's rained here for like 210 straight days and I think everyone is fed up with it.
When you move everybody wants to hang out one last time so I'll probably just spend this week getting drunk with my friends. There were a bunch of going away parties this weekend already. Pretty much the type of parties that if you can remember them you weren't really there.
What I do remember is that it was great to see everyone I've been friends with over the years, but it also gave a couple people the opportunity to tell me what a jerk I've been over the years. It was kind of a shock because I always tell people I don't like them right to their fuckin faces! Right Motherfucker? Ok maybe I shouldn't be surprised, but basically this girl came up to me and told me that I was full of myself and that I act too cocky. Normally I would think she just wanted to hook up with me and that she was just pissed that I didn't pay any attention to her over the years. Lately however I have been taking a much more introspective look at myself and trying to figure out what it is about me that people either love or hate.
One of the ways to do that is to look at some of the things you've written over the years. Like maybe in your diary or journal? I figured that since it's a New Year and we're kinda starting over with the move that I could leave you with some of my favorite thoughts over the past year.
"It's like I said to this chick that only fucked Latin guys. "Just give me a shot and if it's really bad I'll take you out for tacos tomorrow."
"That is your cue to fuck her in the ass."
"I used to know this chick who shit the bed every time she came."
"As an aside I don't think you can ever find hot chicks in small towns. You find a lot of families and gross white trash but I think all the hot chicks move as soon as they turn 18."
"We all end up getting shit faced and I take like 3 of them home and bang the shit out of them at the same time."
"I think it's really just a bunch of fucked up chicks that like to get naked."
"I don't even smoke dope unless I'm driving."
"If they ever make another Indiana Jones I think it should be about my struggles to find a super hot chick with cancer that doesn't mind it when I bang all of her friends after she's dead."
"As an aside I wonder if anyone has ever fucked a tiger?"
"He starts fucking questioning me like I'm in some sort of homo version of Abu Graib or however you spell that place."
"Have you ever seen what a dude's face looks like when he's coming? It's funny shit man!"
"The truth is that if we met you on a pub crawl we do not care what the fuck you know as long as you let us have sex with you."
Of course there are plenty more just as hilarious as these, but now you can go back re-read all my old columns, and find your own personal favorites!
Go Hawks.
