Straight Up

As you should know by now the original idea for this column was to have myself as well as a female counterpart writing and answering your questions about sex dating love life relationships etc…

It took us awhile to actually find someone and so I used the space to basically piss off a bunch of chicks for a few weeks. That really wasnt my intention. Honest. I was actually looking for the love of my life. If they ever make another Indiana Jones I think it should be about my struggles to find a super hot chick with cancer that doesnt mind it when I bang all of her friends after shes dead. That would be sweet. It would also be cool if when she got naked a bunch of Nazis faces would melt.

Ok sorry Im having a little trouble thinking straight. Did I mention I was still in Amsterdam. Did I tell you that there is no shortage of enormous black hookers and gay dudes all over the street where I’m staying? Theres a fuckin bar across the street called the cockring and I think you have to check your clothes at the door. This biker looking dude tried to get me go inside, but I was too busy watching 9 dudes blow an alligator. I love this town.

Anyway the point is my short term memory is shot so without further ado I would like to introduce you all to Lindsey or Linzalicious. After reading hundreds of e mails and reading literally tens of columns about sex from a bunch of super hot chicks around the world we decided that Lindsey was the perfect girl to write with me on the site.

Im stoked to have her aboard. Shes been real cool over the last few months and hasnt put up with any of my shit. More importantly shes a great writer and has a lot to say. I think she lives in Seattle too which will be cool when I try to score with her. Just kidding Linds. Psyche. No seriously I am kidding this time. I wanna do it to you Lindsey. I'm kidding.

Basically over the next few weeks the column will be changing as we figure out the best way to keep it interesting without making it confusing to the readers. Well keep you updated but I expect to launch the new column next month.

Again I want to thank everyone for reading and all of the women that submitted articles and such. Its been very interesting to see so many points of view in such a short time.

Shit someone just flipped the Alligator on his back so I gotta go before he wakes up again.

Actually its quite hard to obtain a firearm here in the Netherlands.

So here I am in Amsterdam. I havent been to that many places in the world but Amsterdam is by far my favorite. I dont even smoke dope unless Im driving. The people the food and the sheer beauty of the city are amazing.

The only problem is that right now the garbage men are on strike. It makes it a bit difficult to enjoy a nice Van Gogh when you have to step over a pile of trash. All the clowns are dumpster diving in the Red light District. Cheap Baloon Animals I guess. Psych!

The last few days I was at the Lowlands festival which is not unlike any other European festival or Lollapalooza. We started the festival off with an egg Sandwich which apparently is some sort of good luck thing. And ended by throwing some gas station croquettes out the car window. It must have worked because I got to meet former Prime Minister of Holland Ruud Lubber and then later spent part of the day hanging out with Juliette Lewis backstage. She was very nice actually but I was a bit too shy to talk to her. Even I get shy sometimes so if youre reading this Ms. Lewis give me a call. I was the dude that you gave half your candy bar to.

So the fact of the matter is that Im two blocks away from a bunch of crazy sex acts going on at this very moment. All legal by the way. The Red light district is a very depressing place in the daytime. Some people think its always depressing but at night the women seem like theyre having a good time and I know the men that go there are. its just a blast to go there with people you know and walk around. Its such a bizzare idea for us Americans. Anyway it reminds me of an e mail I got from my best friend informing me of a topic I should address so here goes it.

Over the years some of my friends including myself have either dated or just hooked up with women who have worked in the sex industry. These include strippers, burlesque dancers, girls who have been in porn magazines, women who pose naked on the internet etc etc..

Basically I think that men have a strong attraction to these types of women because a lot of times they think similar to us when it comes to sex. The problem with dating these women is that theyve all been fucking nuts. Im not saying I would never date another stripper again(like I said the attraction is very strong) but I would be very cautious as to get into a serious relationship.

I have a best friend whose ex-girfriend is now on Suicidegirls.com. This bird was so fucking nuts and so violent that he ended up having to get a restraining order against her. This was after she fucked some other dude at a party at their house while they were living together.

Another time me and my friends were all hanging out at strip club. The night is winding down and so one of the dancers invites my buddy to go home with him. She was smokin hot so of course he went. I end up back at the hotel with my girlfriend of the time only to be woken up at 7 am by my friend calling me on my cell phone. He was asleep in the stripper chicks bed when her boyfriend jumps through her window and starts beating the shit out of him. He was fully clothed in the bed with her but of course her boyfriend doesnt give a shit. Anyway the dude leaves and comes back 15 minutes later on his bike to beat up my friend some more. Eventually I found him and he was all bruised up. Ive heard since then that this girl has done the same thing to a few other guys. By the way she was also on Suicidegirls.com.

The only time Ive ever been in anything that remotely resembled an abusive relationship was when I dated a dancer from Canada. It was great at first, we would get drunk and fuck all the time and she would even bring her friends over as well. Of course she ended up getting so fucking jealous that she would cry and scream and throw shit, whenever we would get in even the smallest arguments. The last time I saw her which was years after we broke up she started screaming at me in a bar and ran of with some gross dude. I think she was trying to make me jealous but all i could do was feel sorry for that guy.

My point in all this is not to paint women who work in the adult industry in a bad light, these are just a few experiences. However Ive yet to ever hear a guy say Hey I getting married to that coked up stripper we met in Portland. Kick ass. I know that women have had good experiences with sex jobs. Ive just only read about or seen these people on TV.My problem is that some of these web sites and magazines these days preach it as female empowerment. I think its really just a bunch of fucked up chicks that like to get naked.

You guys feel the same way right.

So when I post that I want my future girlfriend to die of cancer I get 125 comments but when the subject is about the hottest girls and guys in the world or where to get laid nobody seems to care. You dudes are sick.

Anyway at the moment Im in the airport in Lisbon. The reason being is that its a holiday in Portugal today. Nobody knows what holiday it is but they know that they have the day off of work. The problem for me is that I have to go all the way to the airport to get an internet connection as none of the Internet Cafes in town our open. The other problem with this is that it seems like everyday is a holiday in Lisbon. Whenever I try to go anywhere here they are always closed for the day.

So last night my friend and I are watching Portuguese TV and they have this show here called Felis o Unfelis or something along that spelling. Basically it means Faithful or UnFaithful. The premise is that they send a hooker to a guys house while his girlfriend or wife is away and they try to see if hell cheat on her. They film the whole thing hidden camera style and then play it back for the spouse in front of a live audience. Its kinda like that show in the states called Cheaters. I dont know how many of you have seen that one but it made some list for Best of Reality Show moments when the host of the show was actually stabbed by a jealous woman.

The difference with Faithful or UnFaithful is that they show the woman seducing a man by stripping in front of him and rubbing her body all over him. I dont speak Portuguese so I missed their introduction but thats not really the point. The point is the audience which mind you is filled with a bunch of old women are sitting there with bated breath for the big moment. That comes when the woman pulls down the mans pants to reveal his hard on. The audience shrieks with laughter and the host who kind looks like a gay Jay Leno runs over to the monitor and puts a broom over the mans penis. The next bit of the show is where the audience votes on whether or not the man will cheat on his spouse by fucking the hooker. The audience gets down on their knees and pray that he doesnt. Im not making this shit up. I forgot to tell you this whole time the scorned woman is standing in front of the audience screaming that the hooker is fat or that her husbands genitals are small. Again Im not making this shit up.

Basically my point is that Europe and the States are equally fucked. They really need to tone down the nudity and sex over here. Even cartoon frogs have dicks. And in the States we really need to tone down the violence. You get desensitized to both and I personally would like to be a little more excited about sex and a little less when it comes to violence.

So first I just wanted to say sorry for not posting sooner. I´m basically here in Portugal in this very small town writing from their one computer. It´s in the post office by the way. I´ll make sure to have another one up by monday as i´m going back to Lisbon where things are a bit more civilized.

Also it seems some people are pissed off about not getting chosen to write for the website. I know its important to a lot of you so if youre pissed send me a message and we can talk about it. Theres no need to attack the other members on the site.

And as far as the last column, ill just say that some of things i find funny may not appeal to everyone else. I wont apologize for that. The point is to get people talking and youre all doing a very fine job of that.

I want this site to be fun and interesting for everyone myself included. I think Having a woman on here as well will be just what we need. I know that I need a little help.

So for something a little more safe and probably a little more in context with the website, Ill just give you a little run down on some of the things ive noticed on this side of the pond.

I´ve only been to europe a couple times, but i´ve found that getting to know women is completely different in each counrty. This may be pretty obvious to most of you but it was not for me. I remember my good friend from Amsterdam telling me about Belgians being very difficult to work with. Apparently they were not very straight forward when it comes to doing business with them. These words were repeated in my head after a 5 hour drive to Antwepen with a belgina girl i had met in Rotterdam. After a night of drinking and talking i was sent home at 9 in the morning. And by home I mean a 3 hour train ride back to Amsterdam to catch my flight.

As far as dating goes in Portugal it seems very different then the States. In some ways kids grow up much faster here like going to the bars and staying out all night with their friends. They even have a special beer here for kids called Super Bock Green. It taste like shitty 7 Up.

But from talking to a lot of the men here they feel very frustrated by the women. It seems like kids in that states are having sex younger and younger all the time, but most of the women here wait til 18 or so to lose their virginity. Like I said Ive been to Holland as well and its similar to the US in that women are a lot more open about their sexuality. The main problem for these dudes in Portugal as I see it is that a lot of women love Latin men. Its just a fact. Look at Ricky Martin whose gay and that other dude that nailed Jennifer Lopez. Women go nuts for these dudes. So basically you have all these good looking Portuguese dudes who are frustrated because they have to marry a girl to get laid. Maybe that´s why Portugal is famous for its explorers.

Anyway my point is to ask you guys that through your travels where have you found best places in the world to hook up?

I Hope everyone is doing well and I ask you to please try not to hurt my feelings this week.

First i just wanted to say thank to everyone who sent e mails and applications for the female blog position. I know it took us awhile and we're not done yet, but i appreciate everyone being so patient. so weve narrowed the finalists for the blogging position down to 5. They are Linzalicious, Nix, Monika, Xtrashorty and Linds. You can go check out their profiles on the site. There were a bunch of really good applicants, but these 5 stood out to us here a Friendsation. I want to encourage everyone else to keep blogging and responding to others here. The discussions have been really fucking funny as of late.

So basically these 5 women will be contacted by me over e mail and they will be asked to post one more blog in response to my story below. I'd like you to tell me what this story means about myself. There has been some really interesting sex and dating advice, but you gotta be funny too. Next week well decide who gets the job.

We'll also be hiring other writers on various topics so if you have something cool you want to write about send me a message and well figure it out.

ok so everyone has fucked up fantasies right. I wonder if mine is any different.

Ive always had this fantasy that I would meet a really beautiful woman. She would have to be really smart and cool and really tall and good looking. Shed also have to be really fun to hang out with. Wed go out to bars and shows and Id get along with her friends and shed get along with mine and wed kinda be the envy of our group. Since wed both be tall and good looking, everybody would notice us wherever we went. I wouldnt be in love with her and she wouldnt be in love with me. Everyone would think we were though. Itd be really laid back and if we screwed around on each other itd be out of town and we wouldnt ever try to make the other person look bad. Itd be like friends with benefits but we would have such a great time hanging out that wed spend most of our time together. Maybe wed even move in with each other. Then out of the blue she would be diagnosed with cancer or MS or something else bad. Anything terminal would do as long as it wasnt contagious. That would suck if I got it too. So anyway she has this debilitating disease and shes probably only gonna live for like another year. I could take that Ive been in relationships for that long where I wished I was dying. Anyway so everyone knows shes sick and they would feel really sad for her cause like oh shes so young and she has her whole life in front of her but they would feel even worse for me cause theyd think that I really loved her and as bad as it is to die at a young age its got be so much harder on me because Im so in love with her. So the next few months are spent waiting on her hand and foot. Taking trips to places she always wanted to go and just living life to the fullest. I would even take off weeks at a time from work just to be with her. People would come by to see her and offer support and then when they were alone with me they would tell me how sorry they were and ask how I was holding up. Id say fine ya know just taking things one day at a time.

So long story short after about 8-12 months she passes away and she have a big funeral and all of our friends and her family are there and we talk about how special she was and people ask me how I’m doing and they say “if you ever need anything just let me know??

I go home take few weeks off, put things in perspective and go back to work. After a few days some friends of mine take me out to our favorite bar to cheer me up. Were not even there for 5 minutes before all these super hot chicks start coming up to me and telling me how sorry they are for my loss. I tell them its ok and that they can sit down if they want. We all end up getting shit face and I take like 3 of them home and bang the shit out of them at the same time. This goes on for like 4 more months and then I meet this really hot chick who happens to really like music and old cars and I tell her my story leaving out the part where I bang all the friends and she feels sympathetic for me cause her father died of cancer or MS or maybe shes just really nice. I don’t care. Anyway we end up going out I fall in love with her and ya know we live happily ever after.