Straight Up

I try really hard at pleasuring my girlfriend. Going down on her and
trying to make her feel good, but she doesn't seem to be able to get off. I
want to try anal sex but she says she's not into it. How do I get my
girlfriend to open up and be more sexual with me?

I can kind of see what is going on here. You might be getting frustrated
while she is giving up. The pressure builds. I know that a man just wants
his woman to get off. That's what he wants. Believe me, she wants it too. So,
when she doesn't get off, he feels like loser. You aren't a loser, you may
even be the greatest lover that ever existed, but aside from that, she just
might not feel comfortable with you and that is okay. Certain people match
with certain people for certain things. Sex is one, work is one, friends are another
one, there are tons of ways people can match up. Sexually maybe you two
aren't the best match. I suggest that you sit her down and tell her that you
want to make her happy. You have to be serious. Once you do this, she will
tell you what is really going on.

Perhaps she has never had an orgasm in her life? In that case, try a
vibrator. Maybe she can only get off when she is masturbating alone? In this
case, ask her if you can join, or tell her you want to be a part of it. Tell
her it's important to you. Or maybe she has been able to get off with other
men but not with you? Well, it's not your personal technique, it's just how
she feels around you and there is no point in changing yourself to force an
orgasm. Just face the facts that you aren't meant for a sexual relationship
and move on. In conclusion, or all in all.....if a woman is good for you,
she will get off with you or work on getting off with you. That's plain and
simple and very beneficial if you ask me.

Yea sit her down and ask her if she's been able to get off with other men besides you. Then when she says "yes" go stand in front of the mirror and stare at your limp dick while crying.

Or maybe don't ask that question. There are certain questions that should never be asked (next week's column) and this is one of them. What you should be asking her is what she likes and doesn't like about sex. Believe it or not ladies most guys want you to get off during sex. The problem is that we're not very bright and you don't communicate to us what you want in fear that we'll think you're a slut. Am I right or am I right? If we haven't somehow stumbled across getting you off and you finally do tell us it's usually just one suggestion. We need more to work with ladies. We're even less creative then we are bright. Trust me if you can get off more ways then one we wanna hear about or else we're just gonna keep doing the one leg over the other move.

Now this question is coming in from a guy and he has to figure out this information for himself, but ladies if you're reading this please stop worrying about whether you'll look like a slut. We love sluts. We want to be with sluts. The only people that don't like sluts are other sluts. Trust me. I would much rather be with a slut then some chick who can only get off with other dudes. Wait that's a slut!

Topic for the Week: Can a man be a slut? If so what makes him a slut.

It's been hotter then hell in LA this week. Of course I don't have air conditioning in my place.(Sorry to dissapoint some of you. I am extremeley charming and attractive, just not wealthy) So anyway I went down to the Home Depot to get myself a fan. I've never seen such a melting pot of hot people. They weren't attractive mind you. Exactly the opposite. More like sweaty earth pigs. Anyway now I'm lying on the couch as the fan blows thinking about the poor bastard below here.

I've been celibate for awhile now. It's not so much the act of sex that
turns me off but it's the smell. For some reason the smell of another person
really disgusts me. I want to get over this but I don't
know how.

I like this question. But, I am sorry that the smell of humans is so
unattractive to you. I can understand how you would wish for the ability to
be attracted to human smell, but there are just some things people can't
handle. My honest belief is that people pick their mates by smell. I mean
its one thing to be attracted to someone, its one thing to be nice to each
other and it's another to have common interests. I think the final cut is if
you like each other's smell. It would make sense that you have been celibate
if you can't handle the smell of anyone. Have you ever tried plugging your
nose? I know that would be kind of strange to have sex with cotton balls in
your nose. I am sure the person you were doing would take it personally too.
What if you sprayed your favorite cologne or perfume on the sheets to
distract you? You could also just breathe through your mouth. That works. I
hope that this helps and that you have some nice smelling sex soon.

I like this question too. Nothing can change a person's mood like a bad smell. I have a pretty sensitive nose and if a fish farts near me or I get the faintest whiff of say a dead baby hooker I can easily loose my lunch. It's actually rather fascinating how much smell determines the way you feel about a certain something or someone. There have been many studies done that show that certain smells can make you focus more on your work or even help you lose weight.

Recently I read an article that said sex drive was determined by a certain gene. I wonder if it's more that you're an asexual person and the smell of someone is just a side affect of that. Barring calling you a freak and telling you to live in a cave I have one suggestion that I think might work. Next time you're about to have sex with someone suggest that the two of you both shower first. Showering together can be fun and romantic. Have some scentless soap on hand or maybe a non-offensive scent like Dr. Bronners Peppermint Castile soap. When you've finished showering you'll notice that you don't smell as much. Of course you can't take a shower every time you want to have sex, but at least you won't have to go live in that cave. Freak.

Topic of The Week: Have you been grossed out by others enough to stop having sex with them? If so what did they do that bothered you?