Straight Up

Back among the living.....after a hallucinogenic flu and what some call "monkey butt" or "road ass" (I know it's gross people but when you're taken from your element and all you eat for 5 days is Mexican food, bbq, and beer it does a number on your system) your boy is ready for all your questions. Line up the straight shots of Pepto Bismol and away we go.

Q: If a guy is into you, would he want you to call him everyday to show that you're really into him and that you care? I know all guys are different but I get the feeling that this particular guy would like for me to SHOW that I'm really into him. I don't call everyday to avoid him thinking I'm chasing him but if he'd like for me too then I definitely would. What do you think?

Jed said: I have a feeling this is from one of our younger readers. On no circumstance whatsoever should you feel the need to call someone everyday. Would you like someone calling you everyday? I hate talking on the phone. Most men hate talking in general. What fascinating piece of information will you share with this guy everyday? That you don't like Joan in accounting because she dresses like a slut at work? The only part of that conversation a guy hears is "Sluts and Work" and then we tune you out and start thinking about some "all female construction site porno movie." By this point you've already planned our weekend together and you're asking us if we're still paying attention to you which we aren't. Call us when you have something interesting to say or when you want to hang out and then make the conversation short and sweet. You should look at phone calls as the opposite of blow jobs. One should be every couple days and to the point. The other should be daily and if you could really put some soul into it this time we'd appreciate it. Please?

Lindsey says: Phone calls are odd. How many times have you been hanging out with a guy and watched him make a phone call to one of his friends or family members to say "hi" ? Normally, guys make phone calls because they have a reason. They either have a question and need an answer, or they are calling someone back. Guys don't generally like talking on phones. They will, but they would rather see you in person. They like to see things. What I am trying to get at is, I personally don't think you should call this guy unless he calls you. Let him lead. If he wants to get a hold of you, he will. Then, you can call him back. It's pretty simple. If you want to call someone, call a girlfriend. If you need advice, or help, then call your boyfriend because guys like helping women. This phone call will make him feel good and special. But just calling to say hi will confuse him. He will wonder why. You will not have an answer and then things will get awkward until someone says something funny or witty.

Girl: Hey there
Boy: What's up
Girl: How are you doing today?
Boy: pretty good
Girl: what are you doing?
Boy: Hey, can I call you back.
Girl: Why?

Now, the girl starts thinking she said something wrong when really, the guy just doesn't want to talk on the phone. He never calls back either. Unfortunately, she will start calling uncontrollably thinking something is wrong, while he starts thinking she wants to dump him, or that she is mad so he doesn't answer at all. She eventually really does get mad and decides to dump him....So just remember, some people can't stand talking on phones. There is nothing more to the story. No one is cheating on anyone. My only advice would be to find someone with similar phone interests. Just like you would want to find someone with other common interests, like if you like rock climbing, then it would be cool to have a partner who was into rock climbing. That sort of thing.

Topic of the week: Do phone calls really make a difference if you truly like someone or not? Do men like it when women call? Or, would men rather be the ones to call the ladies?

Coming live to you from the Marriot hotel in beautiful downtown Austin, Texas it's this week's edition of Cats and Dogs. I'm at SXSW this week which if you don't know what it is well, it's like the biggest music festival in the country. Maybe the world? Highlights were staying with my Dutch buddies, Cali and Bryan letting me sleep on their floor when I first got in, all the cool writers from across the country, sweet fist fight at the Saviours show, Vice Party, Arthur Party, all the day parties BBQ, bands, beer, and getting to see my brother Dean and Sue from Sub Pop.

And now we'll get back to reality and give my liver a bit of break with some of this week's questions.

How can you feel personally successful and yet still 'need' someone else in your life? Can you ever feel 'whole' alone? - Shannon

Well, I think Lindz and I will probably disagree here, but I don't think you need anyone else to feel whole. A lot of people think that you just fall in love with someone because you can't help it. Of course I've been in love before but it doesn't change the fact that I need to feel happy alone before I can love someone else.

There are a lot of people that get themselves in shitty situations because of "Love." Whether it's working at a crappy job to stay near someone or getting pregnant early in life. In my opinion best way to go about life is to figure out what makes you happy before you get into a serious relationship. We've all made our mistakes in life, but you have to learn from them and follow your goals. My idea of success is to be happy with what you're doing in regardless of how much money you make or if anyone else gives a shit. I think once you reach this level of personal success then you're relationships will be that much stronger. Sometimes you have to bang a lot of chicks in the process though. That's just part of growing up.

Why are some people just plain mean? - Teddy

People are mean because other people ask annoying questions. Take me for example. Perfectly nice guy. But if you act like a dummy around me then I tend to get mean. I have a short temper when I feel like someone isn't paying attention or just doesn't care. This last part comes from my father. One of the things I wasn't allowed to say while growing up was "I don't care." Some people are so passive and meek that they can't even understand why someone would be angry with them. Well it's because you're
acting stupid. Ignorance is fine. What bothers me is when people are ignorant and just don't give a fuck. If I ask you a question and you don't know the answer don't act like it's my fault. I hate it when people say stuff like "well I don't pay attention to the news" or they say that they like every type of music, but can't name an album by any of their "favorite bands." I'm not saying it's ok to be mean. I always feel really bad when I'm mean to someone and I apologize as soon as I can. It'll save you and the people around you a lot of grief to just be nice. This probably isn't answering your question very well and I'm assuming that people have probably been mean to you in the past. I'd ask myself. Am I an
ignorant jackass? You might be. Do I annoy others around me? You probably do. In that case next time someone is being mean to you ask them why? It might help you understand.

Was that mean? Now I feel bad.

Topic of the week: What is the meanest thing you have done to someone or have had done to you in a relationship?

I tell ya what, LA may be different then Seattle, but the OC is like another fucking planet. I will not go into the full details of last night as I don't have the stomach to relieve it here myself. I will say that if you ever had any doubts that white people were the cause of most of the world's problems then make a trip down to Orange County and go out drinking some night. You can stare into the botoxed face of Satan himself. Scary shit kids.

And now for some viewer mail!

Dear Jed and Linz

I recently met a guy that is much older then me. He's 33 I'm 19. He also has a couple kids from a previous marriage. I wouldn't say I'm the best looking girl in the world and I haven't ever really had a relationship before this. I have had sex before, so I do not feel uncomfortable around men. I'm just not sure about how to tell my folks when I feel a little bit weird about the age difference myself.

-Allison

You're asking about how to break the news to your folks, when you probably should be asking yourself what it is that attracts you to this guy. If you're nervous about the age difference then it leads me to believe that there might be something else going on that is giving you pause about your relationship. At 33 he's had a lot more life experience then you have. You're barely out of high school and he's already been divorced. You need to ask yourself why he wants to be with you as well. I have issues with a man is his 30's wanting to date a teenager. What do you two have in common? You say that you're not attractive. Do you think he's the best you can do? You can do better. You just know it yet.

I would ask him where he thinks the relationship is going. When you two can get to a place where you both feel comfortable and the age thing is not an issue then tell your parents. If it still bothers you, then give yourself some more time. You still have plenty of living to do and the best way to figure it all out is on your own.

Hey guys,

I've been going out to bars a lot lately with my buddies and hooking up with a bunch of Milf's. We've kinda figured it out that if we go to the right bar we don't even have to hit on chicks our age. These older women will just come up to us. My question is this. A lot of times these women will talk about their husbands, even though they know in a few hours I'll be banging them. Do you think it's wrong of me to sleep with a married woman or should I just look at it like it's no big deal and keep banging away?

-Josh

Great question. I felt like I was turning into Dr. Phil here lately. Short answer is bang as many as you possibly can. You're only young once and since these women are married you don't have to deal with any relationship bullshit that would hinder you from hanging out with your buddies and banging more sexy old ladies. We call these chicks Urban Cougars. A Milf is one that you'd like to be with. An Urban Cougar is one that comes to you. God bless these older women for treating young men in exactly the same way that men have been treating women for thousands of years. It's kinda nice to be on the same page every once in awhile. My only other advice is learn how to duck as one of these "husbands" is likely to shoot you in the ass if he ever catches you nailing his wife.

Question of the week: What is the biggest age difference between you and someone that you have dated/slept with and do you think it had any bearing on the relationship?

Jed and Linz,

I'm a young guy and don't plan on getting into any serious relationships until I
am at least 25. There is this girl that I really like and
want to be with, but she wants to be in a committed relationship. I know she
won't have sex with me unless I commit, but I don't think I'm ready to right now.
I want to have a physical relationship with her but I don't want to end up hurting her later. What should I do?

---Felix

Oh Felix I feel your pain. I've gone through this many times myself. Mostly in my early 20's, which I'm assuming is probably around your age. The scenario is always the same. You meet a girl you kind of like and later find out that she really likes you and wants to date you. You're not ready for a relationship with her so you just end up sleeping with her until you're bored and then tell her you just want to be friends. Of course you end up hurting her feelings or pissing her off and the two of you end up not really talking again. The problem is that girls are looking for relationships and guys are looking for sex. When you can't come to an agreement emotionally, people end up getting hurt. It's just the way it happens. I'm glad that I'm 26 now and don't feel the same way I used to. I don't need to sleep with every girl that will let me, but I also don't feel like I need to be in a relationship to be happy. No guy should and if you do there is probably something wrong you. You should be in a relationship because you're in love with someone and want to be with them. Not cause of something you're missing in your life.

My advice is to let her know that you don't want to be in a serious relationship with her before you sleep with her. If she still wants to hang out and be friends then cool. At least you'll know that you were honest up front. The problem you're gonna have is that being the young kids you are, you'll probably be out drinking with her some night and then end up sleeping together anyway. "Great!" you're thinking. But you'd be wrong. The problem now is that all the shit you said about not wanting to be in a relationship has been negated. Most women (there are exceptions and as men we thank you for the guiltless sex you provide) equate sex, love, and relationships as the same thing. So basically as soon as you sleep with her you have to start back at square one. The best option is not to sleep with her and remain friends, but we have a better chance of getting cars to run on water then for us guys to ever act accordingly. A MUCH BETTER CHANCE.

I'd say to forget about her and find girl that's not looking for a serious relationship. There are plenty out there under 25. But knowing you Felix(as a fellow man)you're gonna sleep with this girl too. Hopefully she doesn't cry. That is the worst.

Topic for the week: Should you always be up front about your wants in a relationship? If a man tells you that all he's looking for is sex then he'll never get laid. If a woman tells a man that she's looking for long term commitment then nobody will date her. What do you do?