Straight Up

As a young career minded man like myself there is nothing in the world that can fuck up your life more then a woman. You've seen story about the kid that's born without legs but still manages to make the high school gymnastics team? They always do these news stories about how courageous they are and all that bullshit. Well I say big fuckin deal. I could make any high school team with or without legs.

What about the poor bastard just getting out of college or high school whose girlfriend decides to get pregnant and then he has to eat shit for the next 18 or so years. That would be a made for TV movie that I'd actually watch. I can see it now, there's this 18 year old guy opening up the mailbox to find out he's just been accepted to State College. As he runs into the house he opens the door to find his girlfriend sitting in the kitchen holding hands with his mom. They tell him that he's gonna be a daddy. The rest of the movie is this guy working at the local Steel Mill and trying not to kill himself. Now that's entertainment.

Anyway to avoid this type of situation obviously you have to protect yourself. If you don't know about condoms by now you're probably having a hard time reading as well so I won't bother explaining that. However I am going to give you a list of the type of women to avoid and why. This is just a way to ensure as much happiness in life as possible. Some of these are from experience. Some of these have been taken as advice from others. Some I've even talked about before. If you would like you can print out this list and keep it in your wallet.

1. Single moms- they've already made one mistake and I would hope you wouldn't want to be part of the second one.

2. Fat girls- You think when you hit a rough patch she's gonna help out? She can't even take care of her self.

3. Women that talk too much- the female voice has been the downfall of many great men in our time. Look at Bill Clinton. You would cheat too if your wife was constantly yapping at you.

4. Girls that only have guy friends- Do you want to hang out with a bunch of guys that want to fuck your girlfriend? Me neither.

5. Christians- Oh they'll bang ya, but you better pray that rubber doesn't break.

6. Any woman that refuses to take birth control- They all say birth control makes them sick. Well pregnant chicks make me sick so what the fuck? Again is it really worth the risk?

7. Chicks that you're buddies have already fucked- You know all the nasty shit your guy friends have done. You wanna fuck a chick that's been with one of those degenerates? This may also induce jealous fights later when she screams that your best friend's cock is bigger than yours.

8. Married chicks- You could possibly get shot which ranks only slightly higher on the bummer meter then getting a chick pregnant.

9. Sluts- C'mon you know when a chick is a slut. Fuck her yeah, but please don't marry her. You're gonna end up shooting some guy.

10. And finally Fats Chicks- I know they're on here twice, but really nothing bums me out more.

As always your e mails on any topic are appreciated.