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Straight Up

11/13/05

Nice guys rule

Filed under: Life — Hawkwind @ 10:02:47 pm

Apparently Lindz has a really bad zit on her lip or something this week. Hopefully she can take care of it and join us later. It really bums me out that she's mentioning it because I, like most men, demand nothing but perfection from the women I associate with. If you have a zit, please wait until it's gone before I have to talk to you. Especially if it's in person. It's just common courtesy. This goes for fat chicks too. I'd prefer to not see you until you take care of that little problem of yours.

The deal is that I have my hands full at the moment and I'm very happy with my relationships. However if things don't work out and you would like to approach me in the future I'd prefer it that you save my time and yours by being extremely hot and interesting to talk too. That is all. Thank you.

And now for this week's letter

Dear Jed and Lindsey,

My question to you is this: There is this guy who likes me. He is
extremely nice. Almost too nice and it bothers me. For instance, he will
show up at bars and have cigarettes for everyone; he also pays for
everyone's bar tabs. On top of that, he will give anyone a ride home
because he doesn't get drunk. He also gives out his number and tells people
to call him Roadside Assistance. Anyways, the other night we were all out
drinking and out of the blue, this lady walked up to me and asked me what
kind of stuffed animal I wanted. You know the lady who walks around the bar
and tries to sell flowers and stuff. The
next day my friends and I were talking about it, and they say that he is just too nice in an almost unattractive way. I feel bad for thinking that. I am curious why he may feel the need
to be so nice? Is there anything we could say so that he doesn't have to
continue to be overly nice? Or, should we just accept him the way he is? I
guess we are just trying to help him save some cash.

-just tryin to be nice

Like I said in the title of this column I really dig nice guys. They help dudes like myself get laid. They're kinda like the garbage men of the dating world. They end up in relationships really early on with really lame chicks and usually they stay with them for quite some time. By taking these boring ass broads off the market it narrows down the playing field for dudes like myself who aren't neccesarily looking for anything other then getting laid. Nice guys usually have low self esteem the way that hot chicks do. The nicer the guy or the hotter the chick the lower their self esteem is generally. This allows other people to take advantage of them. For this nice guys I salute you. I also feel very sorry for you.

As for this letter, I assume you have no interest in dating this guy so why does it matter if he's nice to you or not? As a friend you should tell him that you like him but only as a friend. You would appreciate it if he didn't spend all his money on you. Sit him down and tell him that women don't like it when guys are overly nice. If you don't he'll never learn and probably move onto buying someone else a bunch of worthless crap. As soon as he figures this out and stops paying attention to you you'll get drunk, call him, and his new name will be Road Head Assistance.

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