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Happy Halloween!

Filed under: Life — Hawkwind @ 02:00:08 pm

Halloween is my favorite holiday ever. You don't have to hang out with your family and chicks always do really slutty things at this time. If youre reading this right now you probably had a really slutty weekend.
I have trouble figuring out cool costumes as I get older though. You can't be a ninja when you're 25. It has to be something funny.
I couldn't come up with anything cool until this Saturday when I woke up and had one of those eureka moments where I realized what I wanted to be. This year I will be a Gay Frog. I'll have like a frog costume, but I,ll wear a pride t shirt too. That would be cool if I could figure out a way to spit tadpoles at people. Babies and sperm and tadpoles are all the same anyway.

And speaking of sperm it brings us to this weeks question. It seems like everyone has one good masturbation story and here's another.

Dear Jed and Lindsey:

Not too long ago I walked in on my brother masturbating on my couch at midnight. At first I thought he was scratching his nuts and I kind of took a step closer until I realized that he was like really rubbing one off. I felt awkward and though I turned away the image was still embedded in my head. Anyways I asked him if I should find someone to help him with that. It was the wittiest thing I could find to say and he jumped out of his skin and started stuttering. Well anyways I haven't spoken to my brother since as he always scurries away when he sees me. My brother and I were very close but every time I see him I can't help but start laughing and making snide comments like "ewww what's that spot on the TV screen" and then he just like walks away. I also brought over my collection of playboy to the main bathroom as a suggestion but he threw it in the trash... What should I do to recover the relationship my brother and I once had? How do I stop laughing and making snide remarks when I can't help myself?
Jed I know you are a masturbator and must have gotten caught at some point?
Linz have you ever tried it and gotten caught what would you do if you caught your boyfriend masturbating or even worse caught Jed masturbating?
In High school I was a master debater and I had a friend with the last name Bates and we called him "Master Bates" and I have masturbated myself and gotten caught while having phone sex but it was by a 4 year old who probably thought I had a diaper rash or something
But this is my brother we are talking about.. I ...just want my brother back


Well Ballsbuster I never had a sister so I'm not sure where it ranks on the embarrassment scale. It can't be any worse then getting caught by my dad though. Especially since I was jerkin it to over 40 magazine. I've determined the worst case scenario is to be caught by your grandmother jerking off to Over 80 magazine.
As for your brother it seems that you have only made snide remarks which is only making him uncomfortable and making it funnier for you. You've known him your whole life right? You must have seen him naked before? It doesn't seem like this should be such a big deal.
Bringing out a bunch of Playboys is like making a kid smoke a carton of cigarettes after getting caught lighting up for the first time. Like "Hey I see you enjoy masturbating, here's a bunch of porno." It gives it this sense of somehow being wrong. He wants to know that you don"t care, not that you care so much as to help.
Basically your brother will get over it as soon as you do so just come out and tell him that its not a big deal and that it doesn't bother you. Once he figures out that you're cool with it he will be too.

P.S. Lindz and I are kinda like brother and sister at this point, so this week I'll do an experiment by getting "caught" masturbating in front of her. Results will be posted in the "if" and "then" style of the Scientific Method.

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