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Straight Up


Rules for Dudes

Filed under: Life — Hawkwind @ 07:15:19 pm

This week I have been driving a van cross country to Philly. I started in Portland OR. I am in a motel 6 somewhere in Ohio at the moment. I did not realize this but after you hit Detroit you have to go south through Ohio or else I 94 runs out and you end up in Canada. 2 hours out of my way and now I am back on track…physically. This is the second time I have driven cross country alone and alone its one of the most boring and tiring things you can do. It does however allow you a lot of time to think. It forces you to think is actually a more appropriate way to put it. Lately I have been thinking a lot about ways to improve myself. Things like exercise, meditation and living a bit healthier. Dont worry I still wanna party and hang out with chicks, but I want to feel good about myself while I do it. I think from all of this personal introspection I have become a lot more sensitive to the problems going on in a lot of my friends lives. A lot of dudes have it real bad right now as far as relationships go so I figured I would write down a list of my rules that I believe can save you a lot of grief when it comes to relationships and women. Kinda like Lykis 101 but this is for young good looking dudes like myself that actually like women. I dont live by my rules as much as I probably should, but this is more like things that I try to aspire to.

1. Always wear condoms. I know how great sex feels without them. Actually it fuckin sucks with them. But getting freaked out by your girlfriend every month when she misses her period or worrying about every itch or pain in your balls really fucking sucks. A lot of chicks like to pull this move when you break up with them where they conveniently miss their periods. I have seen this happen to a lot of guys, myself included and it is usually that they just stressed out. Instead of getting a pregnancy test they like to call you first so you can also be stressed with them. The only thing worse in when they actually are pregnant.

2. Tell the truth. I have had to learn this one the hard way many times. I think I finally got it down though. As hard as it is if you do not want to be with a girl then tell her. It will save a lot of time and heartache in the long run. This is different then not telling her though. If you think that there are some things she does not need to know then there is not any reason to tell her.

3. Do not get married til you know what the fuck you want to do with your life. This is one I totally agree with Tom Lykis on as he always says never get married before 25. I am 25 now and I still feel way to young so I always modify this one for myself. This is the same advice my mom has been giving me since I was little. She is definitely right on this one.

4. If you get married get a prenup. I have never been married do not plan on it either, but I know a lot of guys who are. I do not care if you are the janitor at the same high school you went to, get a prenup. The problem here is that dudes never think about how much money a woman has when we meet her. We are too busy trying to make our lives good so we can take care of others that it never dawns on us that when you get a divorce all that shit you were working for will be taken away from you. It does not matter if she is nail in your best friend shes still gonna try to take half. That is if youre lucky.

5. Dont ever sleep with a friends girlfriend. I would even extend this to ex girlfriends. If youre not close with the dude then bang the shit out of her but if you are my buddy and you nail one of my girlfriends exes or whatever your gonna get punched. This is chick shit. They do that stuff. We should not. If this is a hard one for you try to surround yourself with ugly dudes. Id also say try not to sleep with anyone girlfriend in general but cmon lets be serious here.

6. Try not to drink too much. I have a problem with drinking more then I need to. Drinking too much makes it really hard to live by the rules youve set for yourself.

7. Ask your parents for advice. They have been through all this shit. Some people are born unlucky with real shit parents but if you got cool ones be sure to use them as a resource. Moms are the best when youre a dude cause they do not judge you and they know how evil women can be.

8. Get a fuckin road map. Youll get to Philly a lot sooner and saner if you do.

Im not one of those originalists like Thomas or Scalia so I believe that the Constitution is a living document. Not that im comparing my list above to the US constitution. Im just saying that these rules could change given the situation. I think its just important that as you go through life you consider your surroundings and maybe have some fuckin idea of what you want. Some dudes never think about it and they get real fucked up real fast. Women will fuck you up faster then anything else. You got no one to blame in the end but yourself.

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