Straight Up

Wow, I am good.

So I just got back from vacation with my folks. We went down to the Oregon coast which is where I have been going since I was a little baby. My mom made me climb a rock wall like I used to do when I was a teenager. I made it to the top on sheer pride but I could not breathe afterwards and my back hurt like shit. Hard livin has caught up to me at 25.

As an aside I dont think you can ever find hot chicks in small towns. You find a lot of families and gross white trash but I think all the hot chicks move as soon as they turn 18. My two cents hold onto the mailbag for just a sec.

Anyway after I got back I was shocked to see how many comments my columns got. Not only the amount of stuff but how interesting your take on things were. I would be reading one comment and think to myself Man Jed, you really are a sexist asshole you should call your Mom and then the next comment would be someone saying that they agree with me 100 percent. Just the to set the record straight I am a total asshole. I am not sexist though. I am just a guy who has dated an above average amount of women for his age and has way too many opinions. Also I am 100 percent right half the time.

But just so you know I dont really care if you agree with me or not. I think most of you guys have really great interesting things to say and the e mails I have gotten have been really cool. Plus its fun to be told what a jerk I am every now and again. I think they call that growth. So keep the dialogue going and in the next couple weeks Im going to be reading all of your blogs and deciding who will be the female counterpart.

Onto something else. Lets see how bout we talk about what assholes guys are. Well thats kinda boring cause we all know the deal. They say they are gonna call and they never do, they sleep with your friends they scream out their mothers name while they are rogering you from behind. Trust me I am getting somewhere here. I just want to share this story with you and then we can discuss.

One time I met a girl from Tucson or was it Phoenix. It doesnt really matter actually. Lets just say she was from New Mexico. Anyway so I take this girl home from the bar and we end up sleeping together. The sex part is unimportant to the story. I was 19 at the time and drunk. Draw your own conclusion. So anyway the next morning I get a phone call from my girlfriend who is out of town but on her way back in the next hour. I tell the New Mexican she needs to hurry up and leave because I have to go to work (I think it was a Sunday) of course she wants to hang out but I dont really have time for this. So I go in the bathroom to get myself together and I hear this little knock on the window. Chink I hear it again. I look out the window to see my neighbor (this girl that I would fool around with when we were both drunk and bored) and shes throwing rocks at the window. I do not know what she wants and I dont really care at this point so I just push the New Mexican girl out on the street and tell her to get lost. Mind you she has no idea what part of town shes in and I did not give her any money for a cab or any information on where she needs to go. Never saw her again.

So doesnt that sound like a real asshole move on my part? The problem with this story is that its all true except for the fact that in the real story I was the girl and New Mexican was me. She told me her boyfriend was on his way over and that he might kick my ass if I didnt leave! She also told me that the neighbor dude had a weird crush on her. I wonder if it was cause she got drunk and nailed him? I ended up having to walk like 5 miles back towards downtown Phoenix or Tucson in the blazing New Mexico sun. It was a real bummer. I felt really lame afterwards. I didnt care if she liked me but its a little weird to feel that unimportant.

Do girls ever think to themselves...at least I got laid.

Have you ever thrown someone out in the morning? Been thrown out?