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Straight Up


Easy Rider

Filed under: Life — Hawkwind @ 11:45:51 pm

What a week. I almost forgot that this was Jesus's time to ascend into heaven. Thank you Jesus, see you and all your chocolaty glory this time next year.

and without further ado:

Q: My girlfriend is kind of different. I love her and everything is great,
except for one thing. She insists upon listening to the Knight Rider Theme
song over and over again when we have sex. She says that is the only thing
that gets her going. Unfortunately, I have found that I can't even get off
anymore because the song is so annoying. We are stuck between a rock and a
hard place. What should I do?

You know sometimes we get what seems like prank questions here at
Friendsation, but then you hear about guys getting killed from
perforated rectums while having sex with horses so you can't really
assume anything anymore. As a professional, it is my duty to take a
serious look at all my patients and then give my diagnosis no matter
how absurd it seems.

That being said, you should quit being such a pussy and get into it
with your girlfriend. It's not like she wants to watch Knight Rider.
Sometimes people like a little background noise when making love. I
prefer to listen to a pre-recorded tape of my mother reading my list
of chores for the week. See, in comparison your gal seems pretty normal

You should see how far you guys can take it without laughing. Do your best "Robot Kit" voice and say
things like "That's right. Take it Michael, take my stick-shift up
your tailpipe, I mean my tail pipe, that's it lick my pipe."

Shit sorry, "lick pipe" even grossed me out there.

I bet if you got real crazy and graphic like illustrated above it
might even turn her off and she wouldn't even want to hear it anymore. Then
again you could get stuck fucking to the "A-Team." Sometimes life is
about compromises.

Uh. I think I just got turned off. I myself prefer music like Warren G
Regulator, or Snoop Dog Lodi Dodi when I am doing it. Or even pure moods.
Pure Moods is by far the best music to *%@$#&$ to. But everyone has their
own mood lifters and shifters. If you are truly no longer getting off then I
would sit your girlfriend down and say, "I am not getting off." But you have
to tell her that you want too. If she knows that you want to get off but
can't because of the Knight Rider repetition, if the song isn't repetitive
enough by itself, then I am pretty sure that you taking action such as
sitting her down and talking to her about this will make a huge difference.
There is no point in holding stuff back, not when the issue is dealing with
sex. Sex is too beautiful and special of a subject to ignore. Try using
Jed's line, or poem, whatever it is on her, and then get back to us and let
us know if it works. Good Fluck.

P.S Same goes for women. If you are not getting off with your boyfriend,
take him aside, sit him down and tell him that you want too. He will listen.
If he doesn't then he is just using you.

So what out there has been your weirdest request in the bedroom? We here at wanna know. Winner gets free rent next door to me until the new neighbors move in.

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