He Said She Has Raunchy Breath
Hello fellow friendsationerers or uhh friendsationogonians or friends. Friends is fine. Let's go with that. You may have noticed that we have some new blogs up. I'm happy to introduce our east coast correspondent Andrew Parks who is handling the music section from the wonderful borough known as Brooklyn. Andrew is a wealth of knowledge so check his blog often for the latest in all things pertaining to sound.
Also on the other end of the spectrum we bring you Haylie Cook, focusing on the astrology. Feel free to send in your questions or comments for her and she'll tell you what you need to know. I think she has one of those balls or something. And now for this week's questions!
Q: I just started dating this girl. Anyway I met her downtown the other day and I couldn't even get close to her because her breath was so bad. I just kind of let it go but then a few days later it was just as bad only a totally different smell! Should I tell her? It's really bad.
Jed said: If you like her you're gonna have to tell her. It's not really as painful as it sounds and she'll probably be thankful you said something. I'm sure others have noticed as well. One way to do it is to say "Hey as a friend and someone who really likes you I have to let you know that sometimes your breath smells like you just ate a pile of baby shit." Or maybe get one of her friends to tell her. Sometimes I'm not so good with the sensitivity. If you don't like her, just dump 'ol garbage mouth and move onto the next girl who'll probably have B.O. Nothing's really good enough for you is it? Is it Dad? Wait sorry, not sure what just happened there.
Ya know what I hate is when a girl has like a mustache. Not a Burt Reynolds but those little black hairs on the corners of their mouths. Why ladies? Why? You can see it right? Look in the mirror tonight. If there's something there you can borrow my razor. But please only use it on your face. That's a whole nother column.
Lindsey says: Jed come on. I have not seen one woman who doesn't have some bit of what you call a "mustache" on the side of her lips. Just so you know, when you get those hairs waxed, they grow back even thicker and darker than what they had been before. Women can't just shave them like you do. Belive me, it's not worth it. The first girl who you get to do this, you will know exactly what I am talking about. You will dump her. Because she will then look like a real man. Oh wait, I see what you are getting at............ohhhhhh, I get it. Okay, as for the bad breath, and all the maintenance problems we are having with each other nowadays. Man. Okay. Chill out. CHILL THE FUCK OUT. You aren't perfect. So, stop trying to act like your partner needs to be. This might sound gross, but I actually like the smell of b.o. Not raging basketball b.o, but some type of smell letting me know that a guy is human is nice. As for the breath, well I admit, that is bad. I always make my boyfriend brush his teeth before we make out when he has bad breath. Otherwise, I might puke. Then he will get mad. So, its just a common courtesy.
Again, my interest theory takes place. If you like B.O, find someone who has B.X. If you like bad breath, find someone who likes and has bad breath. Maybe you two will create a new type of chemical or something. Blah blah blah. And women, If your boyfriend asks you to do something outrageous such as shaving your mustache, tell him you will do it as soon as he gets all of his pubes waxed off. It's a fair trade.
Topic of the Week: What is the grossest personal hygiene problem you have encountered on a date?
