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Straight Up

02/27/06

The Winter Games

Filed under: Life — Hawkwind @ 09:26:15 am

Going out and meeting girls with your friends is one the best ways to spend any weekend. At this point in American culture it's become a pastime not like baseball. You've all seen the beer commercials talking about your "wingman" (the buddy that keeps the "friend" of the girl you're hitting on occupied) and falling on a grenade. (sleeping with an ugly girl so your buddy can spend time alone with a good looking one)

As much fun as it is working together sometimes it can be even more fun to try to work against each other. At this point you've heard the term cock blocking. I actually kinda get grossed out when I hear it. I don't know why cause words like "moist" "vaginal blood fart" are common place in my daily vocabulary. I just don't like the blocking part. Makes me think about building a little fort around your dick. Tangent!

Anyway Cock blocking usually happens when another girl or guy that you don't know gets in the way of your game. And if you've had it done to you (whether you're a guy or a girl) then you know that it fucking sucks. However when your best friend does it, it can be hilarious. Say you're talking to a girl and things seem to be going pretty well when your buddy walks up and says "hey man your girlfriend just called me because you weren't picking up your phone." It's that easy. Mentioning Std's or telling stories about how you both fucked some passed out chick in a trailer are also great and easy methods of ensuring that your buddy won't get laid.

I was talking to my buddy last night about it and he told me how his friends' band went on tour cock blocking each other the whole way across the country. I can only imagine how much fun you could have on a whole road trip. Now maybe it was sub conscious, maybe not, but about 15 minutes later he's talking to this really pretty girl and I walk up just to say hey. She's talking about the gentrification of the neighborhood we're in and how she's lived here forever and blah blah. Now normally I would agree with her dumb reasoning just to help out a friend, but for some reason (I was drunk) I decided to let her have it. I told her I had just moved into the neighborhood and she said something like "the people like you that aren't from here are the reason the rents are so high." Ok true, but it's not like she fucking homesteaded L.A. either. I responded with "really so is that your mom selling fruit on the corner cause I could really use a mango right now." She stared at me in disbelief with a look that said "you fucking asshole" then looked at my friend and said "I'm leaving, I'm not talking to you fucking guys anymore." My buddy was all "Dude!" and I was like "sorry dude" and then he said "aww forget it that fucking girl sucked anyway let's go get some food."

Try it on your friends and report back to me asap.

This weeks topic

Q: Since I've started college I've gained about 50 lbs. Not complaining about
all of it since it's nice to have some curves. I would still like to lose some
weight though and a friend of mine said something about Ear Staples. It's a
type of acupuncture. Have you ever heard of it and does it work?

-anonymous

Jesus I could really have a field day with this one, but obviously you're looking for some advice and not someone to ridicule you. I'll let Lindsey answer about the weight. I do wanna say however that you're throwing the word "curves" around rather loosely. 50 lbs is not curves. It's 3 starving african kids strapped to your stomach.

I'm sorry I just cannot help myself.

Apparently Ear Staples is a procedure where they put a small staple in a spot in your ear where acupuncture is supposed to control your eating. The information I read said that it may or may not be effective in controlling weight loss. Now I'm not a Dr. but the risk of infection seems pretty great so as always I would speak with a physician before ever attempting something like that.

In the mean time I suggest stapling your fork to the table.

Damnit again sorry. I can't turn it off.

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