Straight Up

The Commited

Comments

1. OK so I've been there..the ex.. in my last post is not a boyfriend but as in ex husband...yep..even the icequeen committed at one point. I have to say that it was around that time 23-24 that I felt that way, wanting to settle down, its called your biological clock and yes it is ticking - I should tell you to follow your heart and find a mate or a serious girlfriend to settle with but I'm afraid 5 years later you'll find her atrocious.. the kids are going to be the only thing keeping you together and you will be miserable! My ex said he enjoyed being married to me but I was
   too tempermental, too difficult.. I wasn't "there". WTF does he want? I spent 4 and a half years trying to be perfect for someone and somewhere along the line I lost my self. Well I live in our house which he still has a spare to and I can find him there on any given weekend night - once you marry someone its impossible to rid yourself of them that easily... truth be told I dont know what I'd think if I came home and his closet was empty - thats marriage JEd, are you sure you want it? The first 2 years we fucked like animals, non stop, hard , rough, we'd run out into the backyard naked in the middle of freaking winter because we were sweating our asses off- then came reality.. the bills, responsibility...WORK! All of a sudden we became too tired, communication ended, I stopped wearing all that fancy lingerie and ostrich feathered slippers I used to cook dinner in and traded it in for his old pjs...one time I forgot to shave my armpits for like 2 months (gross) and so the struggle lasted for almost years and then we realized that it was not what we wanted. So here I am, an alcoholic calling my ex husband at 1:45 am in the middle of a category 5 hurricane to take me home because I couldn't make it by myself.. still wanna settle down?

   Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/26/05 @ 12:37

2. You're absolutely right, commitment is a tough one. The problem is that it's a misconception to a lot of people. Many people (emphasis on girls) think it's this great fairy tale free of problems and stresses because after all, you're with the person you're meant to be with and now it's time to live happily ever after. Well, unfortunately in the real world, apart from the movies, t.v. shows, and ridiculously cheesy novels that depict that very idea, happily ever after is in truth a lot of work. I'm not here trying to take the magic out of it and I'm not anti-marriage in fact, I used to be that person too who didn't want commitment and dated anyone and everyone and partied my ass off (still do that) but somewhere along the lines I started to realize that ultimately FOR ME, being happy with one person was worth the work than trying to fulfil some short lived happiness with random guys that normally ended in a no-call back. Honestly, it took me being with one guy to realize that I did want all the things I didn't want. I think that's how it happens for a lot people. You don't just wake up and say you want it, someone makes you realize you do. Ironically, I'm not with him (not by choice) which is a long story but anyway, to me, it's all about tolerance. Everyone has their level of what they can deal with. Dating was like drugs to me. I continually got a fix everytime I was with someone and that fix lasted only so long. Then I got to a point where I was like, I can't take it anymore. This has to stop, I wanted to find a way to make that feeling last at least a little longer, not permanent. Marriage isn't for everyone. There the people who will stick it out for the sake of some vow they took and the ones who will walk out when they can't take anymore. There's no right or wrong, everyone knows what they need and what they can or can't handle. But you'll never know your mistakes unless you make them. I know bachelors who claim they are happy in the mid 30s unmarried with no intention of ever being, and people who have remarried, people married after couple months and some after many years all happy, or the ones divorced who found happiness elsewhere with another person, and I know two people who decided not to marry and instead pursue other people and after 16 years never did marry claiming that they only people they were still in love with was each other but missed out on the chance to be together. It's different for everyone. Jed, no one can tell you what to do, you'll either want it one day or you won't but I stopped a long time ago trying to pick and choose my future and then there it was, when I least expected it.

   Comment by KZalan [Member] — 09/26/05 @ 16:03

3. You are right when you say that its when you've met the someone that you start feeling that way... Society makes you feel like Ok you're getting to that age where its time to marry, look at all your friends, then there is mom, wanting grandkids before she dies... For me my ex's mom had just died and he needed someone to care for him and I needed a sugar daddy hehe (it wasn't I love you lets marry deal) ecause really I don't believe in love, I have to say I believe in romance (and making out ) but not everyone feels that way... I say, forget about the time constraints society put s on you and just live your life, if you find the girl that you can see yourself getting old with then by all means you should marry her immediately, but I have to say I have felt that way about many men and then after awhile it just dissipates. A good friend of mine said its a 9 mth test.. after about 9 mths the novelty wears off, I've always tried that and I give up at abpout 6mths. MAybe Jed should give the old relationship a 9mth test before sending out the invites (trust me any chic that can put up with Jed for 9 mths should get like a 13k diamond)

   Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/26/05 @ 16:27

4. jesus christ im ready and lookin 4 that one girl im gonna spend the rest of my life with but till then hell why not party like crazy

   Comment by sk8clown88 [Member] — 09/27/05 @ 16:31

5. Hey Jed,
   I was reading a certain prestigeous gentlemen's magazine and "fucked a tiger" - It was reported that upon the raiding of Saddam Husseins son (uday Hussien's posh playhouse, located in or near or aroud his sexhouse was a zoo where they found exotic aminals such as zebras, horses, TIGERS, and many other animals which was assumed used in sex ... little bit of trivia but who has a zoo around a sex house... they also found charred hundred dollar bills which he used to light his cigars and a sex gym for his harem... wow,I couldn't be a sex slave, now that is what I call too much work for some ass...hehe -

   Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/28/05 @ 23:34

6. oh which brings me to a question?
   How far would you go with sex?

   Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/28/05 @ 23:36

7. good question!
   

   Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 09/29/05 @ 07:37

8. wow how depressing im in a wonderful marriage and i'm 24, we've been married for 4 years (presently working on kids) and we don't even fight yah your not gonna always agree but thats with anyone your two different people and thats what makes it interesting and don't listen to the whole once you get married your sex life dies thats only with couples that shouldnt be married, i get it even more since we got married soo thats a bunch of crap. yah im sure kids well take its tole on that, but who cares we can spend just as much time together with our kids and thats a perfect life if you ask me. you should get married when you find that one person you can't picture your life without (you know or else you would just want to die) yah that would be the one

   Comment by deadlyBEAUTY [Visitor] — 09/29/05 @ 09:35

9. I was kinda going through relationships of people I know who have been married for more than 10 years and the bad news is My Uncle Robert who was married with 4 children the eldest being 25 well they broke uo about 5 years ago but had been married for like 17 years, their wedding cost quater of a million dollars and then..over (I think they still have sex though Uncle Robert has since remarried) then there is my friend Vikki's parents married at least 15 years 3 children, parents were meant forever and then now dad has a wandering eye and mom is on the verge of a nervoous breakdown, they haven't divorces as of yet... my own mother was married to my father for 15 years untill they called it quits we moved to the US - My point is that at what point is it ok to feel safe in a marriage, Brad Pitt and Jen were destined forever, Lou Diamond Phillips wife left him for another woman (lol) what about Ellen and whats her face) ...i used to think 5 years is a milestone., 10 years to renew vows and then after that it should be smooth sailing - but it seems just the opposite.. Its all well and good to think that a the age of 24 you have it but I dont know at 24 you're still a kid - Its like when you're 15 you cant wait to be 18.. then at 18 you think youre a man, but you realize that you gotta be 21 to get served a drink and then at 23 you're now graduating from college, At 25 you're probably realizing that what you went to college for 4 years ago is not what you want to do so youre still finding yourself and at 28 man youre still getting fucked up at the club- Where does marriage and children come in again?

   Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/29/05 @ 15:42

10. I've ben married, divorced, and in relationships that were exclusive. I tend to be really cynical and do not trust(men) easily. It amazes me that most of the men I know expect ME to see only them, but they do whomever they want. That part, doesn't matter, as long as they do not expect monogamy when they aren't giving it. Everyone goes through cycles. If you want marriiage, be prepared. Find someone who is inrelectually stimulating, has a good sense of humor, and likes sex as much as you do.I know men who have much less real sexual drive than what I have. I work lots of hours and different shifts, so it can be really hard, unless you understand each other or try to. I (no matter how tired), make it a point to pay attention to what any guy I am seeing needs or wants from me, and if that person is straight with me, ok.(unfortunately, I can only say I may know 1 person who seems to be that way, but we aren't in the same place, so I 'll probably never know). I say, do want you want, NOT what you think society wants you to do. There's no right or wrong. Who said " the only things in life we regret are the things we did not do"?

    Comment by hotRN [Member] — 09/30/05 @ 18:38

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