Straight Up

09/12/05

How to Pick up Dudes

Filed under: Life — Hawkwind @ 08:21:40 am

So this is officially the last week of my column. Next week Ill be joined by Lindsey as we launch Cats and Dogs. Ill still be writing some stuff on my own whenever I get that special feeling ya know. Like when Im driving late at night and I can feel the heat comin off the road. Reach down between my legs. Ease the seat back. Ya know. That feeling.

Anyway for this last official installment I wanted to change it up a bit. Ive talked a lot about women on here so I figured Id talk about some of my recent encounters with men. Yea I know. Totally gay.

I never feel like meeting women is difficult. I dont mean to hook up with them or whatever but its just more comfortable for me to speak with a woman Ive never met before then some dude. With women you always have that flirting thing that kinda breaks the ice.

With dudes its different. You have to find a common interest or the conversation gets dull real fast. Here are my two recent experiences.

I get into Berlin Wednesday night at about 9:30. I had looked at a German newspaper in Holland to see what was going on and there was a 60s garage rock night at this club Kaffee Burger near my hotel. I get down to the club and it seems pretty dead. There are two dudes hanging out outside that look kinda like greaser rocker types. I ask them if Im in the right place and they say yea and so I head in. Thats usually about the extent of a normal dude conversation. Its an exchange of information and then you move on. Im by myself though in a city where i dont know anyone so when they walk in I offer to buy them a couple beers for the info. We get to talking and like me theyre record collectors. Serious record collectors though. Long story short I end up hanging out with Joern and Christian for 3 more days while im in Berlin. The last day they take me to a bbq and then drive me to the airport. I could tell you how much of a kickass time we had but it would take forever. Anyway the point is its a rare occasion to meet guys and be friends with them after 3 days. We all kinda talked about it too as if it was a weird phenomenon. Anyway I feel like bros. for life with these 2 dudes.

Now Im in Copenhagen. My friend who lives here is in Helsinki for a medical conference so I find myself alone again in another bar. This dude comes up to me and offers to buy me a drink. What the fuck I say since I met two really rad dudes in Berlin Ill give this guy a shot. We start talking and he tells me hes from Sweden. At this point its also extrememely obvious to me that this dude is gay. He looks about my age though and hes not like a bear or anything so when he comes back 15 minutes later and asks me to join him and his friend I say sure. Im not the least bit uncomfortable having drinks with a couple gay dudes. Usually gay dudes know where a pretty good party is anyway. So its Me Allen the Swedish guy and Flemming his Danish friend. We sit there and drink for about 2 hours and talk about politics, new orleans, sex, life whatever ya know. Normal shit that dudes talk about. Let me just point out that at this time both these guys have said they were gay and Ive said I was straight. So eventually Flemming says he has to go because he has to get up early in the morning. I shake his hand and he says goodbye to Allen.

Immediately Allen turns to me and says You wanna have a 3 way with me and my boyfriend. You got two chicks in your pocket I say. I tell him again that Im straight. This is where it gets funny. He starts fucking questioning me like Im in some sort of homo version of Abu Graib or however you spell that place.

You wanna suck my cock in front of my boyfriend. No

Ok Ill suck your cock and my boyfriend watches. No

Ok you fuck me and my boyfriend watches. No

Ill be gentle really. No dude aint happenin.

You wanna take a walk. No.

Can I get you another beer. Yea you could buy me all the beers in this fuckin place but Im still not gonna fuck you or your boyfriend.

I just wanna lay next to you. Im sure you do.

Finally after I drink the beer that he bought me I tell him I have to go.

You might say that I was asking for it by sitting next to him or accepting free drinks but thats what college dudes say when they date rape somebody. I actually bought some of the beers too but fuckin Denmark is expensive and I aint gonna be buying rounds for gay dudes.

I go outside and throw up in the street. Not from being disgusted or anything but I was just really really drunk. As I walk home I think to myself So thats how chicks must feel.

I also realize how straight I feel.

It feels good.

61 comments

Comments

Now this is where everyone, no matter their sexual orrientation (god how do you spell that word), has had problems. How many times do you have to say no. This happens with sales people on the phone, family and friends wanting you to do something that you don't, and those occasions where some guy or girl pester you sooo much that you get sick of it. I have both men hitting on me and women (I don't like that so much) who just don't get it when I say no (that doesn't happen to much with men). I mean come on, really a no is a no, no matter what language you are speaking in. So everyone remember Jed's story but make sure you just don't think gay people do it, eveyone does, lesbians, straight men and I am sure straight women do it too.
J.

PS I wish I was lucky as Jed having unusal traveling experiances over in Europe instead of sitting at work pretending I am doing something useful.
Comment by Jacqui [Member] — 09/12/05 @ 16:18
you are doing something useful, you are getting them to pay you for work while you are actually entertaining yourself. basically scamming them out of their money. but not really, since they pay for time out of your life, and you wont get that back even if youre in here.
Comment by alex2468 [Member] — 09/12/05 @ 18:27
Jacqui, I feel your pain. However, imagine if you didnt even have a job to pretend like you were doing something useful at. Thats where I am at. In limbo basically. I have an interview tomorrow at 11 a.m so until then I am twiddling my thumbs, signing on and off of this computer that has controlled my life for the past two months.

Jed, you aint missin much in Seattle. The weather is far from spectacular and I just had a flat tire. I will comment however on your little car speel...me and my friends were just talking about that the other day actually. I guess the special feeling is a more common occurance amongst men and women than one might imagine. Even during the day. Must have something to do with all the pot holes and random shit you drive over in this city. Yesterday on our way up to Bellingham, the I-5 was backed up because a box of Christmas ornaments had "come loose" from a sation wagon. Last week on my way to Oregon, I drove over a slab of particle board at 70 mph and and it ripped a hole in my muffler. Today my tire had a screw in it. Lets just say some steady bumps would be really nice.

Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 09/12/05 @ 18:27
jinx!!!! Alex!!
Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 09/12/05 @ 18:29
Well, Linds, hope limbo-land becomes excito-land sometime in the near future. Spending one's time dealing with car problems simply ain't no fun,

Hey, I reckon it's great Jed's meeting guys - regardless of whether they want to fuck him or not. I reckon as we get a bit older, we tend to stick to the same groups of friends. When you're a kid, you make friends all over the place, but good ones are hard to come by later on, especailly as you keep flinging the ones you outgrow over time. So, I'm pretty rapt I have a new girlfriend (I'm most definitely straight) who's just awesome. Being really close to someone you trust is great. I love her. If I was gay, I'd do her.

It's easy meeting girls if you're a girl. The bathroom's the best place. They're usually small,confined spaces (at lots of the dingy bars I go into anyway) and well-lit, so when you're in such close confines, the whole dynamics change and you can easily find yourself talking about the hot guy at the bar, the way the mirror's one of those really fucked ones that makes you look like an alien, the fact that your eye-liner's blunt, and all sorts of other super important things - still, you never know where it'll lead, so I always reckon it's best to keep your options open.

Between you and me (and the entire www - and I don't care 'cos I feel so damn good!)I am currently enjoying a post- coital glow - yeah, maybe you don't wanna know, but, hey, it's too late now.

And it wasn't the Canadian either - it's my part-timer who keeps me entertained between real relationships. Ain't life grand!

Comment by Juji [Member] — 09/12/05 @ 21:50
Yes, life is grand and I have a couple things to tell you actually.....first off, thats cool that you have a variety of men in your life!!! But you still have to share the details about the Canadian......I was at home today and my friend came over for five minutes to get online and the next thing I hear is her asking me to take her to the ferry. I was like, why? Its late, you have to work at 7 a.m. She wanted to go to Bremerton, which is an hour ferry ride away, so that she could meet up with some dude she has only met online. I asked her how bad she wanted to go, she said if I didnt take her then she would take the bus. So, she won. Not that I am cock blocking, but I was just looking out for her best interest. And speaking of your girlfriend, I actually think that I have met some of the best friends ever in my mid 20 years. I have kept in touch with best friends from high school and such, but we all seem to have evovled in very different ways. Actually one gal that I met like a month ago is bisexual so I think that she is totally hinting for me to mess around, and I am curious, but at the same time, I dont want to ruin a friendship. Oh, and the bathroom scene, I have to disagree on this one......but I am a weird girl, so that has a lot to do with this, but in the bathroom at this club, I was at the sink washing my hands, checking out my hair, alone at the time. Then two girls who were really chatty walked in. They came up to the sink and asked for a peice of gum. I said yea. So, obviously they were trying to start a conversation. One girl asked, "doesnt this gum make your mouth burn?" or something off the wall, and I responded with "sure does" but in a weird voice, or a deep voice, cuz I just wanted to get out of there. And all of the sudden she started making fun of me by repeating, "sure does!" "sure does!" in the same voice I made it in and laughed. Then she called me a dork! Her friend kind of nudged her and said, "nock it off Sally" because she felt bad for me. I was slightly in shock, I dont even remember, I was just observing her, all I could do was look down and walk out cuz I am a pussy, but... for a moment, I wanted to hold the door shut so when they tried to open it, the door would be stuck, but I figured no...its cool. And besides, I gave the bitch my last piece of gum! She was one of those loud obnoxious girls who walks into a room and expects everyone to look. Slightly my opposite, and she must have known that I gave her the piece of gum only so that she would shut up....
Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 09/12/05 @ 23:14
I've lived in over 16 different locations in my 24 years of living and I have to say, it's been very hard to maintain close friendships or any for that matter. It's true, the older we get the harder it becomes to make real, genuine friendships. In my opinion, it's nearly impossible. In fact, lately I've made a comparison trying to make great friends to trying to find a significant other. I have noticed that I envy those that have grown up with friends and maintained friendships with them in the present time. Maybe it's easier when we are younger to establish relationships since we are not as affected as opposed to growing older and our standards begin to evolve so much. I used to think that it was hard for me to meet girls to be friends with until I realized where I was going wrong. I was trying to meet girls my age which simply, I cannot tolerate. It's just like dating men, I cannot and refuse to date a guy that is within my age bracket unless there is some great exception. But I think superficial relationships are easy to create but it's the real ones that are hard to come by, just like anything else worthwhile. Most of the time, it all seems great in the beginning then you start to see people more and more for who they are. It's just like dating, and that's perfectly fine, because without the bad ones, we'd never be able to distinguish the good ones. Oh and by the way, I've agree Linz, I've had bad experiences in the bathroom as well. I don't know what it is, but I've been mocked as well! Maybe I was in the moment with a friend laughing about something only to hear a girl mock my laugh and hiss. I think there's something about a bar bathroom and girls being under the influence.
Comment by KZalan [Member] — 09/13/05 @ 00:44
I find it interesting that two of you, so far, believe that its hard to make good female friends. Do you think that you just arent giving it enough time? It takes a long time to build a "good" friendship. Think about the number of good friends you had your first year of high school? It was probably much different than your Senior year......I would say it takes a good two or three years to get the trust and comfortability in someone to call them your good friend. Life happens in stages.......I am 25 and just now I am meeting some really cool chicks. The past four years, while I have been in Seattle, I have been seeking that niche......and just now.....in my "senior year" am I finally feeling as though I have that safety net of good friends. What is even cooler is....once you have that safety net, you realize that its easier to be more open with more people because you dont feel so desperate to meet people and in turn, find yourself being you....not an impressor. People see that shit. You can invite the new ones to join your good friends. All the work of meeting someone new doesnt have to be on your shoulders.....you can share!!!! Its like the pyramid effect......Just make sure that you dont come across as trying to sell something to the new person, otherwise they will assume that you just want their money and run away. Or worse, sue you when they realize your product sucks.

P.S Age is just a number, you have heard it before, and its very true. Most of my friends are younger or way older. However, when I meet a cool 25 year old I am like fuck yea!!!!! I get so excited that I start acting weird and scare them off.....well, that means that they just werent cool enough I guess.......

P.S.S Drunk girls suck......they talk in baby talk and do a bunch of annoying shit...I know this because I used to be one in a past life.

Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 09/13/05 @ 02:14
hehe... Let me say I've been mocked because of my accent (British) and I live in red neck texas so I'm at a club and again the drunk bitch who frequents Lindz' club happened to be in Houston, same scenario, asked me the same stupid shit about the gum and I replied thai "I hadn't any" (except with a British accent) and then she starts going off in the mouth like she was a spice girl or something.. unlike Lindz I didnt give in I looked at her and I said "listen trailer trash, why dont you shut the fuck off before you have to surgically remove my 5 and a half inch stilletto heel from your ass...or better yet follow me to my car I have something really special to show you..." She looked at me like I was crazy and turned to her friend and walked of - yea thats what I thought...lemme say this I spent my teenage years being a pussy (i was a nerd in HS on the debate team) and I got picked on mad - but one day Icould take it no more and I walked into class right after this heffer humiliated me infront of this really hott swim team guy and I walked into class stark raving mad and just pushed her chair over and she fell to the ground. Needless to say I was expelled for weeks but I felt good- I swore after that that I would not take shit from anyone! and I havent.. I have gotten my ass beat in fights but I didnt go down without a fight.
well the point is never be a pussy and girls suck dont trust the heffers.
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/13/05 @ 13:51
I also totally agree with the superficial friendships.. Ihave very few friends (true friends ) and loads of fake friends whom I spend time with at the clubs etc. Superficial friends are expendable you can walk away without any regret and I like that. Real friends are such a committment to have. you have to have so much self control just not being an asshole to them( in my case ) because you actually like the buggers. But its so much easier being around people that dont matter you know?
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/13/05 @ 14:01
I like the friends who take your shit and give it back to you two fold. Then you know its for real. The friends who say no when you ask for something and they really mean yes.......The friends who wake you up at 6 a.m to get a ride to work because they slept thru their alarm.....seriously, they are the best.....

Ice, maybe I need to start taking lessons from you on how to overcome my pussyness.........Where do I start????
Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 09/13/05 @ 17:25
hehehe...man seriously I follow my heart - you know if I feel like Im being taken advantage of I just say no you know - I just say to myself if it were I standing on the opposite side what consequence would I prefer - then there is circumstance did your friend sleep through the alarm cause she partied till 2am, or did the crying baby keep her up you know- I have a really close friend and she raids my closet but does she ever return my shit? No! because it either gets lost, she dosent remember borrowing it or its at the cleaners - so she avoids me whenever she knows she has my shit and Ill nag her about it... what do I do, make a big shit about a freaking a/x shirt and lose a good friend or not mention it so she dosent get embarrassed - keeping in mind I've lost that, a few pairs of shoes, a boa from last winter and tubes of glitter, glow in the dark creme and a Mac kit. I've asked casually, I ve been a bitch about it and she swears she dosent remember any of those items - its time to lay down the law- so I say look, unless you find my shit I'm afraid that we can no longer chill. She called me petty, frivolous and I told her to bugger off- other than the clothes deal she is the kinda bitch that'll take a bullet for you- maybe shes a klepto, I dont know but you know I'm being taken advantage of so the bitch had to step - sometimes good people do stupid shit, but in all honesty I cant be a good friend with a grudge in the back of my head you know. So its always your choice, its never really easy choices when its people you love but in theend you give someone an inch they take the whole damn yard and then you're just being a freaking victim of niceness...sometimes you just have to say NO.. say it with me "no" there ya go.. one more time ...."HELL NO ! " hahha didnt that feel good?
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/13/05 @ 22:08
Argh! I agree Icequeen, that's the worst when friends borrow shit and don't return it or worse, they claim to either not remember or find every way to avoid not giving it back. I have to say, it's caused problems and at times even led to the ending of friendships at times. About the age thing, it's not as if I really say I can't or refuse to be friends with people my age, I just find that I get along better with people who are more like myself. By that, meaning people who have gone through more than the average 24 year old and actually have a bigger and better perspective. To be honest my three closest girlfriends are all my age and we are all very alike in so many ways and can share some of the same experiences. I just find it hard to relate to girls that have grown up in the same city their whole sheltered life and graduated from college where they partied relentlessly and the biggest hardship they've endured is getting a boot on their car which in that case call mommy and daddy to pay it off. Plus, a lot of girls are just pure drama. I mean, I'm happy with the amount of friends that I have and anything else beyond them I don't hold high expectations. Living in L.A. doesn't help either. It's the city of FAKE where the only thing real and genuine thing are the cars that we drive.
Comment by KZalan [Member] — 09/14/05 @ 00:17
Dude, you know whats funny, here Jed's column statement says how to pick up dudes, and we are discussing how to pick up chicks!!!! I love you!!! Yo utotally have to help me out with this shit!!! I am just a beginner!!! I love you!!!
Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 09/14/05 @ 00:18
almost jinz!!! Kzlan!!! hhahe I mean jinx!!
Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 09/14/05 @ 00:19
Being a beginner's cool - fresh, new and honest and real. Don't worry Linz - you got what it takes.
Comment by Juji [Member] — 09/14/05 @ 01:14
It's funny you mentioned the title of this blog again, cuz I was just wrapped up in the drama about girlfriends when I thought "hey, wasn't this supposed to be about picking up dudes?". I was hoping there'd be some good tips here for meeting men though, in truth, if I just need someone to talk to for an evening or am interested in picking someone up for a one-night stand (not that I do that sort of thing!) I suppose I have no problem with it.

Wow, you guys have had some interesting experiences in Ladies' Rooms! I suppose nothing like that ever happens to me because I'm pretty benign looking. In other words, I don't seem like competition to all the pretty little witches who are usually in there preening. Of course, I don't take any shit from anyone either, so...

You know, I live in L.A., too and I have to say that I've made some really great friends here, both male and female, over the past couple of years and I think several of them are the kind that will last. The majority of them I met online at another site. Only creeps and trolls (or both) seem to message me here.
Comment by Euphoria [Member] — 09/14/05 @ 08:23
it's about picking up people of the same sex to be friends with. btw i'm in new york now. my money rules again.
Comment by Hawkwind [Member] — 09/14/05 @ 12:08
You know I frequent gay clubs (I'm straight) but shit I love that techno, house music and the fabulous drag shows they show on ginormous plasma screens- face it gay people know how to party - I particularly like the catfight exchange of banter and face it- gay men love my 36D's and I love their sense of style so...I say that to say this - its not that bad you know to be open minded about things, like Jed, I have to say that it takes a man who is confident with his own sexuality to be around or tolerate the conversation he did with the gay men he partied with, the same with chics I know I mentioned in the past checking out Asian chics but heres the thing, Im straight but when Im at the gay clubs girls approach me to dance, its no big deal ,I dance, I do a little jiration on them, they like it, its fun, they might handle my breasts in a "Vogue" like fasion, hey as long as its not perverted Ill laugh, but you know to me its a compliment to be approached by a lesbian or a drag queen for that matter but what I did discover is that people that are used to being ostracized (as most gay people are) because of societys non acceptance of them or their lifestyles, once you get to know them, you will discover that they make really loyal friends. They do! So - put on your dandiest frock (the one with the most glitter) paste that pancake base on like mortar stap on the sluttiest heels you could find and dont forget ostrich feathers around your 36 Ds and pop into your local bathhouse and party the night away to the pounding tempo of Dj Tiesto, Moby and the overplayed Alice DJ heheh - you might find out a few things about yourself you didnt know.
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/14/05 @ 13:48
lol.. I was kidding.. but seriously...
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/14/05 @ 14:09
I have 36D's too...when I was 16, I was completely flat and I would wish for boobs every night, no kidding....I mean, EVERY NIGHT! That was my wish....and within a year, I seriously got them....Now, I am dealing with them...if that makes any sense. I now wish they were a bit smaller because they get in the way at times, and its hard to jog, I have to wear two bras. Like right now....I have on a regular bar and a sport bra and its uncomfortable and tight......
Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 09/14/05 @ 14:29
Hey Lindz I know what you mean -i have a good sports bra from Everlast now that you do not need an extra bra - But they make for great conversation and look great in wet tee shirts - you know what I wonder .. do men like girls with big breasts (lets say 36 D) or girls with manageable breasts - to all the guys and gay girls out there honestly speaking what cup size is more preferable and Im taking about a girl in a long term committment - because I know of some guys that while they like the manageable breasts love to romp once in awhile into the clevage of a well endowed woman...
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/14/05 @ 14:38
I dont think anyone would want boobs as big as the pancake I just ate.....this thing was huge......I just wanted one, so I mixed like a mug full of dough and water and made it really thick. I had to use a bbq sized spatula to flip it.....oh man, I am so full right now, I topped it with peanut butter and syrup!!
Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 09/14/05 @ 20:00
peanut butter and pancakes ..ok...finally someone as wierd as I am.. I prefer Ranch dressing on my pancakes -
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/14/05 @ 21:34
JOIN BEAUTIFULPEOPLE.NET (if you're cute enough) WAY BETTER WEBSITE
Comment by vixen [Visitor] — 09/15/05 @ 13:43
IMPOSTOR!!!!!!
Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 09/15/05 @ 15:05
So, I just checked out beautiful people, come to find that they all have uneven faces and wrinkly skin.
Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 09/15/05 @ 15:11
oh yes ...did you see the post of beautiful people on Jeds last blog (cats and dogs) I really want to join that group - right!
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/15/05 @ 17:34
Yea, I just saw it last time I was here....I was like whoa, where did that come from? So when I went to check out the site I couldnt find the place where they were talking about things that mattered? I was really disappointed. I was really looking forward to learning something new.
Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 09/15/05 @ 17:40
You must not be cute enough to get into the forum Linz...Im sorry they wouldnt accept you. Maybe you should try a different picture?
Comment by vixen [Visitor] — 09/15/05 @ 19:39
Hey Harpy, I didnt know that advertising your site, on this site, meant that you wanted us to "sign up". I have only checked it out, but I will go back and see if I can pass the beautifulfaces.net test and get back with you. Keep your fingers crossed!

Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 09/15/05 @ 20:25
So I see there have been 42613 applications, but only 6743 have been accepted. Sorry, I was the college kid who lived in an off campus house, not a sorority. I dont think you want me on that site. Its not my style.
Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 09/15/05 @ 20:35
I think the site is for tricks you know like your basic shallow gold digging on the verge of prostitution, will only fuck for money kinda girls...obviously they are starving for conversation to be going back and forth on our blogs...dont worry Lindz I think half the girls on there probably havent even seen the inside of a college campus and the other half was too busy having their beautiful faces buried in jock straps - totally! I am also willing to bet that most of those girls use other people's pics to join and spend endless hours hoping theyd get accepted. I saw the interview of the founders of the site who got chewed out by Joy on the View - I thought they looked familiar - one of my party spots perhaps ...heheh
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/15/05 @ 21:18
Hmm thats weird. I actually graduated at the head of my college class. I also work for a very successful company and make a lot of money. I've never been a slut and I am happily married. Now, I know why people won't join this site. I don't think people that work for the site should put others down.
Comment by vixen [Visitor] — 09/15/05 @ 21:50
you gave head in college what? Look I was actually anticipating a come back from you saying you graduated (cum) laude ...yada yada sucessful yada yada kinda like how racist people always have a friend of the race they are accused of being prejudiced against...Now you wonder why people wont join the site .. newsflash every one here gets along, debate on what ever the hell we want to and pretty much have an inclination of what each other is about and for the record... you were the one "visiting" this site practically begging people to join your site- Second of all I do NOT work for the site so please by all means the guys who actually work for this site are much more tolerant and tactful than I am so you can chill with that shit - So Ill tell you what, Friendsation is free, (unlike the $15- $30 you pay at your site just dying to be accepted ..can you say sucker) The people here are actually quality not quantity and you know if you have an IQ of say at least 130 you might just find the site enjoyable (have you ever worn a Merkins?)
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/15/05 @ 22:21
and that was an IQ of at least 100 (average)...
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/15/05 @ 22:38
Ever noticed that when you type a sentence fragment (sentence with no verb), Microsoft cleverly underlines it and tells you you've used a sentence fragment - by using a sentence fragment themselves!

Strange but true, the term SPAM comes from a Monty Python skit.
A conversation was drowned out by Monty Python Vikings chanting
SPAM,
SPAM,
SPAM.

Goes without saying that SPAM could've easily ended up being called YADA or BLAH.

Comment by Juji [Member] — 09/15/05 @ 22:41
I think Vixen is the girl from the bathroom.......??? Unfortunately, I am all out of gum. This is because I am flat ass broke, not because I dont want you to join......However, if you have any questions regarding men or your sex life, I would be happy to help you out.

Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 09/15/05 @ 22:49
man, we havent had this much drama in weeks!!!!!
Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 09/15/05 @ 22:51
and may this conversation ....drown... gurgle..gurgle...gag?
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/15/05 @ 22:52
The girl in the bathroom really gets around - I'm wearing my Jimmy Choo's hehehe any surgeons in the house?
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/15/05 @ 22:57
Where is Jed when we need him? What are Jimmy Choos?
Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 09/15/05 @ 23:26
Jed.. a knight in shining armour? hmm scary thought - Jimmy Choo is a designer (shoes) he designs some of the most sexiest shoes ever you have to own a pair - they come in vibrant colours and creative designs so.. my Jimmy Choo's are my tall,skinny heel shoes ideal for ass kicking heheh
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/15/05 @ 23:55
I wear shoes from thrift stores....lucky me!!! But, I will plan on saving up for a pair of red jimmy choos....I definitely need a more physical mode of defense against future harpies. Im such a dork. No wonder they mock me, oh wait, mockery is the best form of flattery....hahahahaaaahahaahaahahahahah I am cracking myself up here.....holy shit, someone get me a glass of water.
Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 09/16/05 @ 18:29
Lets talk about jed in that shining armour......hint.....hint......where are you???????????? Where is anyone in this world????????? Where is Juji? She is funny!!!!!
Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 09/16/05 @ 18:37
I'm here chickadee! Never too far away from the computer. I'm juggling - just for something different - not!

Trying to sell stories to picky editors, fretting over sick pussy (as in the cat variety) at the vet, wavering on the edge of telling the unrequited love of my life that it's now or never, living on the blessed edge as always! And keeping an eye on the blog too.

Here's to click clacking around in pretty, feminine Jimmy Choos - and being able to afford them in the not too distant future.

As for the Canadian, I got a nasty dose of foot in mouth diseas, embarrassed myself like an utter fool, and now run away and hide every time I see him - the total antithesis of the fantasy I had in mind. Onward, however, I am not one to take things lying down - unless that's the preferred postion of course! x
Comment by Juji [Member] — 09/16/05 @ 19:03
I have heard many different opinions about positions....wow, I am rhyming!!! I used to think that all guys wanted to get really crazy, and try all sorts of different positions, but I have definetly come in contact with some guys who wanted to keep it on the down low if you know what I mean.......for instance, they werent too apt to "try new things" I was suprised....It wasnt bad or anything.
Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 09/16/05 @ 19:19
i'm in new york with jimmy choo. we went shopping in st. marks place yesterday.

i totally nailed that vixen chick by the way. her husband was stoked because he didn't have to listen to her talk for 5 minutes.
Comment by Hawkwind [Member] — 09/16/05 @ 20:49
Well its FridAYnight and I'm afraid the ice is melting...I'm bloody alone (by choice of course) Well here is my predicament- I have 2 lovers whom I am hoplEsly in love with - why should a girl have to choose? There is the first one, handsome and intelligent (a man of science) and so utterly romantic and then there is the other so handsome and equally intelligent and a philantrophist (which makes me horney) Anyways, I did the scientist when I was 18 like 10 years ago and we have been having those awkward beautiful, lusty moments where I just want to rip off my form fitting white shirt with french cuffs (except carefully) and stand before him bearing my Victoria Secret cladded breasts in black lace but then I have to control myself for I'm afraid I would be cheating on my other lover who is currently in Africa as we speak saving the world. Well - what must a girl do, I have a drawer full of exquisite underwear and no one to show it too - I would gladly trade my Jimmy Choo's to sail away to Africa and run topless in the bushes alongside my huanitarian hunk- I'm in love with both - I tried weighing the pros and the cons and well I'm at a stalemate. Should I love both? hehe Can I bring myself to love only one? Untill I figure it out I will be sitting here watching the lovelines light up and I will be in the dark.
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/16/05 @ 21:06
There goes our Knight in shining armour - we were rescued from the evil vixen by Jed jousting his powerful lance into her lower extremeties .. lucky her getting some action even from Jed (plight) sometimes some good fellatio is enough to shut one up present company included- go Jed!
Welcome back to the good old US - I'm sure you had a grand welcoming committee hehe
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/16/05 @ 21:19
Hey Jed! So how was vixen? Was she a biter? I hope you didnt bring her up to Jimmy Choo? They had an affair last year and were caught screwing in a McDonalds bathroom. Pretty crazy. I guess they were doing some pretty kinky shit with the condiments......Her husband found out and as a way to show her he was "upset" sent her away to Guatamala alone, where she was able to learn Spanish and play with monkeys. I read this on a new website called beatifulpeople or faces, something like that, I guess its pretty cool, you should check it out.
Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 09/17/05 @ 00:55
Ok .. no offense but what are condiments doing in a mcdonalds bathroom - on a brighter note there is this strip club called the Pink Monkey hehe and there are alot of senoritas doing lap dances oh wait did I read that on www.wannabebeautifulpeople.cum
btw I figured it out...I'll just retire both men - Love. who needs it anyways its just an over rated emotion - wait is love an emotion or is it a deception - I prefer the latter - ok Ill finish this drink and then retire for hte night but Resolved: Find new Boyfriend - hopefully a foreigner who dosent speak English (it makes it so much easier) or new idea ...Indulge in a great deal of cyber sex... Ok new Idea.. safe sex for the heart - Phone sex with a stranger (cost effective)
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/17/05 @ 01:19
wow, I would never ask you for help with men or sex...you obviously cant even get a boyfriend
Comment by vixen [Visitor] — 09/17/05 @ 01:47
hey interllect(me being sarcastic - look up the meaning of that word) read my post I have 2 boyfriends that I cant choose from so I'm starting over - hey don't you like have a fake husband and a happy marriage to tend to? I would be busy having rough sex with my man than tossling with people who think quite piteously of me - but since we know you're full of shit maybe I'll toss you a roll of toilet paper you can clean your self off with -
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/17/05 @ 14:07
So for the upteenth time I am turning over a new leaf as of Jed's new post (I guess Monday) I will be swearing to the minimum and more of an amiable person - Lets see how I do for a week... I also plan to say at least one positie thing in each post I enter and lay off the Guinness
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/17/05 @ 15:37
see I cant even spell positive - I'm doomed to failure already.
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/17/05 @ 15:38
Hey, Vixen, for the life of me, I can't understand this nastiness. Maybe I live in some idealistic world or something, but I'm trying to understand what's behind it. The way I see it, those who need to attack others are not really comfortable with where they are at themselves. Please don't take my comments as nasty as they're not intended to be - maybe just some helpful feedback.

On a brighter note, it's a gorgeous, sunny day in Melbourne and my pussy (of the cat variety) is home and recovering well. Yay!

Icequeen, does either guy know about the other one?
Comment by Juji [Member] — 09/17/05 @ 19:37
Hey Juji - you know I have been honest and informed both guys of each other, the scientist as someone I had been with over 10 years ago and had not been intimate with since and my sexy humanitarian hunk as someone I had not been intimate with (but hope to soon) this is the reason why I have not been intimate with either because I honestly like them both. I have been told by both that I should follow my heart but ultimately will need to choose. They are also wonderful friends which is why I cannot choose. So I may just have to remain good friends with them both and find some loser to unleash this sexual tension -which I may add is building up rather quickly.
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/17/05 @ 23:13
ummm is phone sex considered cheating? Just want to know as one of my 2 lovers began a somewhat steamy conversation earlier today but I had to pour cold water over the smoldering cinders -
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/17/05 @ 23:17
This is quite a predicament - lots of friendship and a frustrated libido. Can't help wondering why it didn't work out in the first place with the scientist - whom you describe in pretty unexciting terminology, especially if we compare it to "the sexy, humanitarian hunk". I get the feeling one is old news and one is new, but hey it's your decision. If you have a sexual relationship with one, is the other likely to be a true friend by remaining a true friend - may be possible, may not, but good to think about at least.
Comment by Juji [Member] — 09/18/05 @ 17:19
you know what? you may ne onto something. The scientist is romantic, handsome and is like marriage material- he's grounded, good job, good genes(for having his children) serious minded and when I'm with him we slow dance alot, cuddle, its like a serious, feverish, romantic feeling.
My humanitarian hunk on the other hand travels the globe trying to find a way to end human suffering :) He's my super hero..yet he is so humble and modest and not superficial and pretentious. He's handsome, intelligent, but not grounded as his work takes him away at anytime. He dosent own his home, or a car (because he's never in the US) but he is well respected.
When I'm with him its magical, he makes me laugh, hes so passionate about his cause, we have an innocent relationship where we romp around and have fun yet have intimate moments. Its a predicament ... I cant choose - I wont choose- if I get with either one I may lose the other ...
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 09/18/05 @ 22:24

09/12/05

How to Pick up Dudes

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