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Straight Up


Can we still be friends? Oh and can I stay the night too?

Filed under: Life — Hawkwind @ 09:35:07 pm

Jed and Linz,

I'm a young guy and don't plan on getting into any serious relationships until I
am at least 25. There is this girl that I really like and
want to be with, but she wants to be in a committed relationship. I know she
won't have sex with me unless I commit, but I don't think I'm ready to right now.
I want to have a physical relationship with her but I don't want to end up hurting her later. What should I do?


Oh Felix I feel your pain. I've gone through this many times myself. Mostly in my early 20's, which I'm assuming is probably around your age. The scenario is always the same. You meet a girl you kind of like and later find out that she really likes you and wants to date you. You're not ready for a relationship with her so you just end up sleeping with her until you're bored and then tell her you just want to be friends. Of course you end up hurting her feelings or pissing her off and the two of you end up not really talking again. The problem is that girls are looking for relationships and guys are looking for sex. When you can't come to an agreement emotionally, people end up getting hurt. It's just the way it happens. I'm glad that I'm 26 now and don't feel the same way I used to. I don't need to sleep with every girl that will let me, but I also don't feel like I need to be in a relationship to be happy. No guy should and if you do there is probably something wrong you. You should be in a relationship because you're in love with someone and want to be with them. Not cause of something you're missing in your life.

My advice is to let her know that you don't want to be in a serious relationship with her before you sleep with her. If she still wants to hang out and be friends then cool. At least you'll know that you were honest up front. The problem you're gonna have is that being the young kids you are, you'll probably be out drinking with her some night and then end up sleeping together anyway. "Great!" you're thinking. But you'd be wrong. The problem now is that all the shit you said about not wanting to be in a relationship has been negated. Most women (there are exceptions and as men we thank you for the guiltless sex you provide) equate sex, love, and relationships as the same thing. So basically as soon as you sleep with her you have to start back at square one. The best option is not to sleep with her and remain friends, but we have a better chance of getting cars to run on water then for us guys to ever act accordingly. A MUCH BETTER CHANCE.

I'd say to forget about her and find girl that's not looking for a serious relationship. There are plenty out there under 25. But knowing you Felix(as a fellow man)you're gonna sleep with this girl too. Hopefully she doesn't cry. That is the worst.

Topic for the week: Should you always be up front about your wants in a relationship? If a man tells you that all he's looking for is sex then he'll never get laid. If a woman tells a man that she's looking for long term commitment then nobody will date her. What do you do?


  1. Mmmm...Now that was some damn good advice, but I must disagree with your closing comments. There are men who are happy to commit, and women who want a purely sexual relationship (and no, it's not an offer so no need to fly to Oz). Are you really only 26?

    Comment by Juji [Visitor] — 03/06/06 @ 22:28

  2. Free Chat!

    Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 03/07/06 @ 03:39

  3. i agree juji that's why i said generally. that's the old tom leykis trick, but you probably don't get him in Oz.

    I am 26.

    Comment by Hawkwind [Member] — 03/07/06 @ 11:22

  4. Okay, missed the generally. Tom Leykis...never heard of him - and it was the same with lots of the films featured on the academy awards. It takes a while for stuff to filter down south, and we haven't got as many people as you to sustain all the stuff you can. Still, not complaining. Stunning Melbourne day, a beach walk, coffee with a girlfriend and a weekend in the surf coming up. Traffic is horrendous due to the upcoming Commonwealth Games - and they haven't even started yet.

    Comment by Juji [Visitor] — 03/07/06 @ 23:33

  5. What Jed is trying to say is that he only dates and sleeps with women over 50.

    Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 03/08/06 @ 18:49

  6. Are there any women over 50 reading who would like to stand up for women over 50?

    Comment by Juji [Visitor] — 03/09/06 @ 01:00

  7. I am not saying that. i will say that i am generally more attracted to women in their 30's then 20's. I like lots of girls my age and older, but for some reason I'm never that attracted to girls younger then me. i kinda like people that have a good idea about who they are. confidence. that's attractive.

    Comment by Hawkwind [Member] — 03/09/06 @ 16:54

  8. Deep thoughts for someone who quotes Tom Leykis... Dammit, I actually had something really good to say about this and I wrote it down and then my computer tripped out and I lost it... Now, I have to think about it again... Oh well, I guess I won't be spreading my inspiring words on the world today... A true loss...

    Comment by ThisGirlKnowsAll [Member] — 03/10/06 @ 23:32

  9. I think teenagers shouldn’t be allowed here. They don’t have a clue about life, why are they trying to look smart?

    Comment by bowman32100 [Visitor] — 04/06/08 @ 13:04

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