Straight Up

Jed and Linz,

I'm a young guy and don't plan on getting into any serious relationships until I
am at least 25. There is this girl that I really like and
want to be with, but she wants to be in a committed relationship. I know she
won't have sex with me unless I commit, but I don't think I'm ready to right now.
I want to have a physical relationship with her but I don't want to end up hurting her later. What should I do?

---Felix

Oh Felix I feel your pain. I've gone through this many times myself. Mostly in my early 20's, which I'm assuming is probably around your age. The scenario is always the same. You meet a girl you kind of like and later find out that she really likes you and wants to date you. You're not ready for a relationship with her so you just end up sleeping with her until you're bored and then tell her you just want to be friends. Of course you end up hurting her feelings or pissing her off and the two of you end up not really talking again. The problem is that girls are looking for relationships and guys are looking for sex. When you can't come to an agreement emotionally, people end up getting hurt. It's just the way it happens. I'm glad that I'm 26 now and don't feel the same way I used to. I don't need to sleep with every girl that will let me, but I also don't feel like I need to be in a relationship to be happy. No guy should and if you do there is probably something wrong you. You should be in a relationship because you're in love with someone and want to be with them. Not cause of something you're missing in your life.

My advice is to let her know that you don't want to be in a serious relationship with her before you sleep with her. If she still wants to hang out and be friends then cool. At least you'll know that you were honest up front. The problem you're gonna have is that being the young kids you are, you'll probably be out drinking with her some night and then end up sleeping together anyway. "Great!" you're thinking. But you'd be wrong. The problem now is that all the shit you said about not wanting to be in a relationship has been negated. Most women (there are exceptions and as men we thank you for the guiltless sex you provide) equate sex, love, and relationships as the same thing. So basically as soon as you sleep with her you have to start back at square one. The best option is not to sleep with her and remain friends, but we have a better chance of getting cars to run on water then for us guys to ever act accordingly. A MUCH BETTER CHANCE.

I'd say to forget about her and find girl that's not looking for a serious relationship. There are plenty out there under 25. But knowing you Felix(as a fellow man)you're gonna sleep with this girl too. Hopefully she doesn't cry. That is the worst.

Topic for the week: Should you always be up front about your wants in a relationship? If a man tells you that all he's looking for is sex then he'll never get laid. If a woman tells a man that she's looking for long term commitment then nobody will date her. What do you do?