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KZalan's Blog


Boxing, Porn, Pirates, anyone??

Filed under: Posts — KZalan @ 05:49:17 pm

So another busy week in Hollywood. I'll get to the pirates in a second but just to give you a head's up on that last competition, sadly, I didn't win it but it worked out for the better. The girl who did was actually really nice and since she looked like Angelina Jolie, it came as no surprise so I was thrilled for her. Still, I managed to have a couple drinks, insult the make-up artist, and walk in the provided stilettos that I got to keep. Hopefully they'll come in handy on a "hot" night and I can live out that fantasy of doing it with some sexy shoes on.
I've been shopping around agencies the past week and will probably come to the decision tonight. While in one agency earlier, a guy from the cast of Entourage stopped in to get a check. He was cute in person although his character seemed much more intriguing. Either way, hopefully the gigs will come rolling in.

So, earlier this week I was contacted by Perfect 10 Magazine. Sadly, I had to decline. It didn't seem like a good, how do you say, career move for me?? So how do they respond? By offering me a spot to do Perfect 10 Model boxing the next day. Yeah...I couldn't help but wonder if they thought that it was the posing and photography that didn't appeal to me whereas jumping around a ring with my tits freely hanging out, completely open for chest jabbing did??? It's like, no please, I'd rather strap that tacky foam helmet on and look like an orangutan from the mouth guard because that just screams sexy! Please Perfect 10 you read my mind! Anyway, without much deliberation, I declined yet again. Sorry 10. But good luck with that. I'll check out the DVD.

What else this week? Went to MTV. It was boring. Auditioned for a play. Boring too. Submitted for another video. Boring. But a funny story. So I get the call the night before to be on set at 9a.m. Already the project seemed a little sketchy not to mention the guy on the phone sounded like he was taking hits from some sort of mind altering substance in between sentences. Finally, in his heavy breathing and wandering words, he managed to give me an address and call time. I called him back after countless tries (yes, we can probably guess what he was too busy doing) and finally he answered, not surprisingly irritated. "Yes?" he answered. I apologized and asked what the wardrobe was. He answered after some wet coughing, "Oh honey, wardrobe?? Are you kidding me? Just bring your pretty little self...(cough) There ain't no wardrobe." Ewww I thought. Yes, I had answered my first porn ad and didn't even know it. Still, I pushed on. "Excuse me?" I said. He replied, "Oh you know what this is about right?? It'll be done very artistically. The director is very good." Yeah, very good with his cock I thought. No thank you. After all his "convincing" he insisted that by the end of the day I'd have great material that I could use for my reel. I was stunned. And to think I was a couple hours from going to this thing. Siiick. I have to say that was the defining moment that made me say, ok I need an agent already.

So today...I attended a call for Pirates of the Caribbean 2 & 3. For those who say, as Michelle Branch once said in MAXIM, pirates are sexy, I'm going to have to go half way on that. Maybe even just a fourth of the way. First of all, I couldn't tell if it was a call for the homeless or Hell's Angels, but sadly to say, most of these people weren't in costume, they in fact, live their lives looking like pirates of the caribbean. Obviously, I wasn't there to play a pirate, but I was there to play a prostitute. Wow, first the boxing, then the porno, now pirate hooker?? Hopefully, I've made a great impression by now. At least prostitutes back then were fully clothed. What can I say? As if the thought of Johnny Depp having rampid pirate sex with me wasn't enough to turn me on. I can only imagine the dirty talk, "Eyeee matey, oh ho ho yeah, you like that big wooden peg aye!" Ok, maybe not. But if ever there was a pirate fantasy, Johnny Depp would be there and even though I know I wouldn't share the silver screen with him, it's still nice to imagine. So anyway, the final call for that is later this week and of course, I'll keep you posted. Anyway, the guys that were there to play pirates had to take their shirts off and take polaroids and let me just say, I had no idea human beings came in all shapes and sizes. I saw some things I had never seen before. A guy looked like he swallowed a bowling ball and it was stuck in his stomach, another kid who had admitted to missing some ribs (naturally...don't ask), a guy who wouldn't stop whistling then I realized he was trying to talk (missing two front teeth), a real life guy like in the Goonies (the Baby Ruth guy)and a guy that put Christian Bale to shame in The Machinist. If you've seen the movie you know what I mean. Let's just say grown men should not weigh less than the Olsen Twins...together. Just kidding. Maybe one and a half. Well, that was about it for the audition, the highlight was when a wannabe pirate looked over and said, "I hope I have a love scene with you." I don't know what was scarier, what he said or the fact that when he laughed afterwards he had no teeth.

Since I was close to Sunset Gower studios I decided to stop by and say hi to the guy I've been seeing. He's a writer for a new show soon to be on NBC. The show stars Gabrielle Union and Stuart Townsend (hottie). I said hello, took a tour of the offices and decided to head back. No, there was no nookie in the office, although no one was there. Kissed him good bye and left.

Well, next week should be a little more interesting. Wednesday, a friend is Hosting Tori Amos' birthday party, and Thursday night, Cinespace in Hollywood is launching a Drive IN night with a theme. The theme?? Dazed and Confused! Saturday, well, that's always a blast. Tonight, I'm heading out to the Spider Club which is on top of Avalon. They're filming some kind of show featuring my friend, Sean Antonio, a promoter. Should be fun. It usually is. Until then, ciao! Have a great weekend!!


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