Juji's Blog

I read an article the other day that pissed me off big time. In fact, it was downright condescending. It was basically claiming that we seek out partners who most closely resemble our parents in an attempt to get needs met that weren't met as a child. While I do agree to an extent (and I have had my fair share of father figures), the article failed to state that once we've made the same mistakes over and over again, some of us actually do end up learning our lessons and look for partners from a whole different perspective. Some of us have learned to deal with and accept the shitload of dysfunction most of us grew up in, and not let it dictate every move we make. In fact, I run like a screaming mad woman from men that show any inkling, any tiny iota, of resemblance to my father. Goes without saying, he's a bit of a deadshit.

The article made me question my attraction to this particular guy who's been on my mind for a while. I listed all the characteristics my dad possesses and all of this guy's and, much to my relief, none of them matched! Yippeee. Yay and hooray for me! Anyhow, it got me really thinking about what I do want in a partner. He's gotta, in no particular order:

- be a passionate, exploring lover with a sense of adventure (I said, in no particular order, but interesting that's the first thing that came up!)
- He's gotta be an excellent communicator, great listener and full of intelligent ideas
- He needs to be into words, books and music
- He needs a sense of humour
- He's gotta adore me and do little, unexpected things
- He's gotta have that certain spark that sets him out from the rest
- Money wouldn't go astray, but it ain't a huge priority
- Most importantly of all, he's gotta support and encourage who I am and all that I want to achieve in my life, and, of course, I'd do the same for him.

What I also want from a guy is what's stated in the poem, The Invitation, at: http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com/. Sure, I aim high, but if I reach for the stars, I may end up with a fluffy, white cloud someday, and that's okay.

So, after that little bit of soul-searching, I'm wondering what's important to you in a partner. It's easy to float along blindly from one attraction to the next without really thinking about what we want and why. It's important, especially if you believe that thoughts create reality - which I do. Think about it, once we're clearer about what we want, we're more likely to get it. If we fumble around in a fog, we're gonna attract all the wrong sorts of people. So, I wanna challenge you a bit this week. Do you dare make a really detailed list of all you want in a partner, and see if what you're looking for is your idealised mother or father figure? Do you want your partner to fix up all the havoc your parents created, or have you fixed it up yourself? Yeah, I know many of you are gonna run like a screaming mad woman/man from the task. It takes work and means you need to take an honest, bold look at yourself. But some of you gutsier ones out there will take up the challenge, share it with me like I have with you, and probably be much better off for it.

What's important in a partner and why? Juji x