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Juji's Blog


Chick-Chat, Poddicts and Sharts. Huh?

Filed under: Posts — Juji @ 04:39:22 pm

I'm constantly amazed by trends - are we that bored as human beings that we have to keep inventing and re-inventing new things to keep us occupied and entertained? Take, for instance, FUNKtionary, a new dictionary recently published in Australia - it's a compilation of funked-up lingo reflecting the weird and whacky things we modern-day humans do. Here's a sample:

ABDOCATE: Giving up all hope of ever having a 6-pack (I'd settle for a 4...maybe even a 2)
ARSEMOSIS: winning promotions by sucking up your boss's arse (BTW, 'Ass' in Aussie-speak is 'Arse')
BAKED POTATO: A couch potato munching out 'cos he's stoned (note the 'he' 'cos us chicks are too refined for that sort of behaviour)
BLONG - seriously out-there bling - Whoa! I only just caught up with bling!
BOYLOOK: the sort of vague, dumb-arse, non-thorough search a guy does when looking for something
CANKLES: Ankles so fat, you can't tell where the calves end and ankles start. Eouw. While I may not be sporting a 6-pack, god shoot me down if I'm ever sporting cankles - they even sound fat!
CHICK-CHAT: All that talk we have to do about you guys 'cos you drive us to chewin' our own arm off
DESIGNER STUBBLE: a few days' growth. Mmmm...must rub me up against some of that! Never mind the pash-rash - it's worth it. Come to think of it, we'd better come up with a trendier version of 'pash rash'. Surely it's a bit passe by now. Stubble-rubble? Any other suggestions?
EARWORM: A song persistently worming its way through your head
EGO SURFING: Searching the net for any mention of your name...Yeah, that's right, you haven't checked in a while. Off you go and lemme know if you come up with anything exciting
FATTLE: The ongoing battle to lose weight - double Eouw. Sorry! I know I'm not terribly sympathetic...I must have a bitch gene floatin' somewhere round behind my 1-pack
FUR KID: a child substitute of the cat, dog, ferret, mouse, hamster, goat, horse or cow variety
HYPER-DATING: A huge dating turnover in a short period of time - Hey, I thought that was called the "slut phase", or is that the slang version Jed?
KITCHEN PASS: when someone, usually the woman, gives their partner (usually the male - sorry if you're gay, it's too complicated to write) permission to go out for the evening. Huh! And you ask me why I'm not married. Well, actually you haven't, but you might. I stopped asking for permission when I was 2.
MOUSE POTATO; A couch potato who substitutes the TV screen for the computer screen. Is that you? God, is it me? I've, in my years of experience and wisdom, graduated from a Couch Potato, to a Baked Potato to a Mouse Potato. On the upside, I will reiterate, I don't look like a potato.
PARASINGLES: 30-somethings living off their folks at home and not paying a cent. BOOT!
PODDICT: Someone addicted to their iPod. Yeah, I know we have 12 stages for just about everything, but Poddicts Anonymous? And, even if they leave their iPod at home, would they
Be suffering from Earworms?
PREHAB: the mind-fucking bender you go on before going into rehab
TUCKSHOP-LADY ARMS: (Do you call the school canteen the tuckhop in the US?). Anyhow, speaks for itself - fat, flabby upper arms - triple...Okay, I will stop now.
YOYO: "You're On Your Own" - Now that's an easy ditching line - simple, 4 letters, 2 syllables, see-ya.
YURP: a mixture between a yawn and a burp - sounds painful. Is that possible? One requires breathing in, and the other breathing out. Talk about multi-tasking.

And, my own invention: The SHART: Somewhere between a shit and a fart. Big FAT EEEOOOUUWWW.

Hey, I need a name for this chick who's drivin' me to distraction at this regular gig I go to. She's like one hundred and fifty, dresses like the cheer-leader chick who sang 'Oh, Mickey', and attempts to gyrate sexily in front of the guys - although don't know that I can use the words sexy and one-hundred-and-fifty in the same sentence. Help. She's making me puke. And, why am I so fixated by her. Maybe I'm worried I'll look like her one day. I already told my girlfriends that if I'm ever so old and dumb that I don't know when I'm makin' a fool of myself, please just shoot me dead.

Okay, that's quite a spiel from me this week. I wanna know what to call this ancient.
I wanna know if any of you Melbournites caught my little blogging story in mX.
I want your input into this FUNKtionary. Maybe we could call in FRIENDSATION-ICTIONARY. Yah!
I wanna know if you think I'm insane - not that I really care. I just wanna know. If I cared, that'd make me a SHEEPLE: someone who's influenced by what people think.
Juji x

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