Jennifer

A late night conversation spiralled out of control, and my bestie Bianca and I decided to take our men-ventings to a new level and create a list of hints.

A Dozen Hints For The Clueless Every Man

1. When we start dieting or embark on a new work out plan, we need reinforcment that we already look good, even though we obviously think we need improvement. This doesn't mean you have to put up with a girl who says "I'm fat" every 5 seconds. These girls suck, and we all know they know they aren't fat.

2. Don't ever start a compliment with, "I'm so drunk and just realized that..." You might as well say, "Now that i have beer goggles on, I find you attractive, woo hoooo for alcohol!"

3. Don't tell us that our new hair cut/dye job looks hideous, even if it's the truth because, honestly, there's really not that much we can do about it. Besides, if you don't like it chances are WE don't either... don't make us feel worse.

4. Coming over and watching you and your friends play video games is not our idea of fun, unless we
a) suggested it and want to play
-or-
b) invited ourselves over (and knew exactly what we were getting into).

5. Believe it or not, we don't enjoy hearing about how hot Jessica Alba is or how Kiera Knightly has a perfect body (unless of course you include that we look like her). Shut up about celebrities, especially the Victoria's Secret models. We don't look like them... you will never sleep with them... get over it. We would almost rather hear stories about your ex-girlfriend. Almost.

6. When we tell you that you're cute, sometimes we just want you to tell us that WE are cute/adorable/gorgeous. Most girls compliment each other daily, so it confuses and upsets us when our boyfriend (the one person who is supposed to find us MOST attractive) doesn't ever say anything. We especially enjoy hearing this at times when we least expect it (i.e. when we are wearing very little make up or when we just woke up/worked out).

7. Don't tell us you are 'proud' of us for going to work out, ever. That's almost as bad as calling us fat or if we told you that you are poorly-endowed. This stuff just doesn't need to be said, even as a joke.

8. If you are broke and make us pay for things, you are not supposed to spend what little money you have on drugs or strippers. (As a general rule, just about anything invovling strippers will royally piss us off.)

9. When we offer to pay, rarely accept because most of the time we don't mean it. This mainly applies to dates 1-3 and any date that was your suggestion. (If you feel cheated by this rule, remember that the girl's parents will pay for the entire wedding, so shouldn't your parents spot you some cash for the first few dates?) However, if we want to cook you dinner/go see a new movie/take you to hear our fav band play, we can pay and will happily do so.

10. If we try something new you're supposed to notice and tell us if you like it-- wearing our hair culrly, trying a new perfume, showing up glammed-out and lovely for no reason in particular-- that kind of thing. If you really don't like something new we've tried, say, "I like this too, but I really really like [insert alternative here]." This way you're stating a preference instead of insulting us. Clever, isn't it? Yes, we know.

11. Surprise presents like burned cds, chocolate, or a copy of U.S. Weekly will work you wonders. Remember, just because you happen to be cold and un-sentimental doesn't mean that your girlfriend is too. But be warned that unexpected flowers mean one and only one thing: you cheated, felt bad, and got us flowers.

12. Speaking of cheating, don't joke about cheating on us. It's not funny and no one is laughing.

Oh, and on a completely unrelated note, changing your status from "single" to "swinger" on myspace will yield you TONS more cyber flirtation. Now I see what all the fuss was about.