Juji's Blog

I have a tendency to put my big foot in it. Full of good intentions I am, but the number of times I make a total fool of myself has me wondering whether I have a missing gene or chromosome of something. Take, this last weekend for example. I was driving home after a day on the coast, and was busting for a wee. Naturally, there was no loo in sight. I drove along, squeezed tight and eventually started to break out into a holding-too-long-type-of-sweat. Up in the distant yonder, I finally spotted a convenience store. While not too keen on the prospect of peeing in a public loo in the middle of nowhere, my bladder was screaming at me to just get on with it.

It had one unisex toilet. So much for convenience! I entered the bathroom only to discover that the sliding door to the loo was seriously jammed. I repeat, so much for convenience. I have very long, metallic-silver fingernails at the moment (hopefully it's a passing phase) and managed to curl them around the door's edge through a tiny gap. Very careful not to break a nail, I pulled and yanked on the door with all my might. Sometimes these doors come off the tracking and get stuck and a bit of a shove the right way unsticks them. I'll have it open in a jiffy. Pull, yank, the door was proving to be a bit trickier than I hoped. I made sure I had solid footing, put all my weight into every gut-wrenching yank, and heaved and pulled to no avail. By now, I was looking like a boiled beetroot in a pot - red, sweaty and jigging up and down. Not one to be deterred by life's little challenges, I decided I would get that door open if my life depended on it. Another tactic maybe. Maybe if I just put my hands flat against the door and pushed, instead of trying to slide it open, then maybe the stupid thing would budge. Still no good! Back to strategy one. I wound my metallic-silver talons around the door's edge and gave an almighty heave with a good, hearty grunt.

"There's someone in here," said the toilet in a deep, gruff voice.

My eyes widened in horror, then I burst out laughing. I clapped my hands over my mouth so the poor guy couldn't hear me, and bits of spit were flying out everywhere. The idea of meeting this guy in the tiny washroom, after such a serious invasion of his privacy, was worse than death. I bolted, bustled myself out the door, tripped on the way through and landed face-to-face with some cleaning products on a low shelf. I think I created a spectacle. I slunk away into a corner and hid till I was sure the man was gone. With all this drama going on, the urge to pee had passed, but I went anyway in case I created some sort of humiliating scene further along the road.

Thinking back to other embarrassing moments, I realise this isn't even the worst one, but I'd be writing a book if I were to tell you about all of them. Hey, now there's an in idea. Okay, so fess up. What have been some of your most embarrassing moments? And, on the subject of nails, are you into scratching? Being the scratcher or the scatchee? A guy I knew always wanted his bum scratched and I'd feel like telling him to scratch his own, especially when it came to his balls - it's kinda reminiscent of a dog havin' a good ol' scratch in the park - not a visual I particularly like to entertain during foreplay! Juji x