i need no title.

I've been developing this theory that Phil Collins had a dynamic hit-creating machine. Working at a retail store I tend to hear Phil Collins a lot and his songs get stuck in my head like worms, no matter how non-sensical they are. What the heck is a Sudio anyway? So I figure when he needs a new record he just walks over to his machine (which I picture to be like a UNIVAC), dials in some parameters, moves a couple vacuum tubes and then waits for the results. It probably takes a couple minutes (to crunch the numbers) then prints out the sheet music for a brand new hit single. That's not to say he didn't write some timeless classics ("In the Air Tonight") but some songs ("I Can't Dance") support my theory.

But Phil Collins's hit creation has tapered since the early 90s so you have to wonder where that machine is now. Did he have enough money and just the right amount of fame to be happy? Did he quit while he was ahead? What of the machine?

My theory: Gwen Stefani has it.

The machine has been tweaked and recalibrated for Gwen's act and talents but the symptoms are still there (infectious songs with "interesting" lyrics). I don't think she had it for No Doubt but her solo album certainly exhibits the hits-creation machine's work. I think she probably figured with the explorative direction her band is heading in there is a distinct possibility they will spin off into a some artistic (less money-making) endeavor and leave themselves high and dry. Gwen wants to make art but also wants to make money. Therefore she's packing in the hits while she can, punching up songs that contain lines like "take a chance, you stupid ho'." Just bleedingly infectious songs. Songs you can't stop singing. The software has clearly been upgraded for Gwen's solo trapsing around the music scene. This also begs the question: how did Gwen get access to such a machine?

Gavin Rossdale.

The mid-90s were very good to Gavin and his cohorts in Bush. The songs were catchy and came at just the right time. And those lyrics had to be machine-generated (where I think Phil Collins and Gwen Stefani took the time to grammatically edit the print-out lyrics, Rossdale just ripped out the sheet and put it down on wax). Phil Collins, upon realizing his goals as a musician, gave the machine to his fellow countryman (they were born six miles apart). Once Gavin got his worth out of it and decided to fade away for a while, Gwen asked to use it briefly to get all she could in before it would be passed on to the next British act.

Who knows how far back this goes? The Stones? The Beatles? It's not just crazy. It's bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

~ nick

So the movie industry is crying like a baby that just took a dump on itself. The Box Office is slumping and theatre attendance is at its lowest in years. There's been a lot of finger-pointing, some at piracy but mostly at the rise in DVD sales. In any case, industry professionals put the blame squarely on the audience and consumers. "They're the ones! They're the reason why our movies are failing!" We, as movie-goers, have been made offers we can't refuse (either download it for free or buy/rent a movie so we can watch it at home). We, as movie-goers, are also being horked.

We're being served crap. Hollywood is giving us movies that are more based on numbers and polling than actual content. And we can go on and on about the studio system and how filmmaking is also a business blah blah blah. But the truth is this is starting to hurt their bottom line. It's almost like a backlash. Why would we pay $10 a ticket to see regurgitations of movies already made or vapid storylines and jokes that only hit 35% of the time? Trailers look dumb, movies look dumb. The big directors are ailing: The validity of Scorcese's last few flicks are debatable at best, Tim Burton has consistantly made remakes (putting his Midas, art-school touch on things already existing), Fincher hasn't made a good movie since Fight Club. How can we be expected to sustain an industry that's lost touch with us? Somewhere we stopped being movie-goers and became numbers that go up when certain variables are met. And that sounds really familiar.

The music industry went through the same scenario and is still feeling the repercussions. But the major difference between the plights of the movie and music industries is this: the theatre isn't going anywhere. Sure, people aren't going to the theatres as often right now but if they are even remotely excited to see a flick they'll want to see it on a screen better than their TV. Also, piracy isn't nearly as much of a factor. It takes hours sometimes to download a movie and, yeah, there are some people that download them but the casual movie-watcher, who just wants to see something, won't have the patience to wait four or five hours to download a picture (and that's a time frame in a perfect online situation -- it could take days to download something even on broadband). Movies will always be watched in theatres until people can get the theatre feeling at home. And, as long as moviehouses keep on the cutting edge, there's no way to replicate it. The music industry, on the other hand, seems doomed.

We got crap from them for so long. Pop stars and fake rock bands have been polluting the radio for years. Bands put out albums with one or two good songs lodged between tracks that range from ridiculously-mediocre to horrible. The greats ail and the up-and-comers aren't much hope. There are short flashes of brilliance with good music every once in a while, especially in the past two years with indie bands like Modest Mouse and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, bands that have been working without industry support for years, finally getting their names recognized. It's almost like the industry feels so bad about giving us so much garbage that, finally, they're starting to encourage artists over performers (focus on the "starting" part -- that's a plan that's not nearly in full-swing yet). But the damage is already done. Songs are too easily traded and the culture is ingrained with that knowledge. Everyone is tired of getting screwed by bad records and today's adolescents, who are the industry focus, have no problem just downloading a track for free. There are no big sound systems or popcorn sales that'll keep a listener coming back. Music is personal. There are so many inititives out there to encourage CD sales but the model is dying, exacerbated by the RIAA hunting down "criminals." They've just lost touch.

Mass media is a business. I get that. But in order for it to be profitable, you have to have a little bit of content. The movie industry will be okay. Music, on the other hand, needs to get it together or collapse. The fight isn't against the the peer-to-peer networks. It's the industry against the people. The industry needs to stop fighting. They need to figure out they need the people. This shouldn't be a war. This should be a romancing. And we're this close to slamming the door in its face.

~ nick