What is the point of dating?
Well let's focus on that one for a while, shall we? I mean, seriously, what is the point of NOT dating. Rather than use the old adage of test driving a car before you buy it (which is true, btw)I have some fantastic, idiot proof reasons to date.
First of all, it's fun. How many times have you called your girlfriend from the bathroom in the middle of a date with that loser from accounting? Yah, it's rude, and I don't think it should be done regularly, but seriously, if you end up on a date with him because you couldn't think of a good reason not to (another topic entirely: how to say no nicely) and it's going as abysmally as you could have ever hoped for, what else are you going to do but put in a call for your 'emergency page' to beep you in 10 mins so you can have a "get outta lasagna-with-the-loser free" card? The stories over wine and margaritas with the girls will last years. As will your mortification, but hey, that's what friends are for, right? Lesson learned. They're not all bad either. Remember the other time, when you ended up hanging out after your shift at the pub with the guy from the house band who you'd charted up to be a real lamo and turns out to be interested in the same obscure fiction you are? And what about the time when you met those guys at the crosswalk after work and they introduced you to their friend, whom you ended up dating for five years?
If you were waiting for "the one" you would have missed out on so many of these opportunities to learn what you want, that you wouldn't be able to identify him or her if they slapped you in the face.
Which brings me to my second point: Dating teaches you more about yourself than almost anything else you do in your early years. Or your later years for that matter. For your friends, you wouldn't forgo the last piece of chocolate cake, but for Mr. Hottie across the table, you pretend you don't even like dessert. What about the crazy fantasies you start having when you meet the guy at the coffee bar on the way to work, and then end up reenacting in his apartment up the street? Never in your wildest dreams would you have thought that of yourself. Change for a guy? (or girl for that matter). Become interested in S&M? who knew? Well hunny, if you hadn't started dating, not you. And these are just some frivolities. You learn a lot of important stuff about yourself when you date. From what you like eat, to the things that turn you on, to crazy little facts like you absolutely, positively cannot sleep on the right side of the bed. These are precious things, guys, and you won't learn them in other types of relationships. Cherish them. If you don't, nobody else will.
My friends all approach dating in a different way. Lisa, for example, vowed never to move out of her mother's house until there was a ring on her finger, and a wedding date set. She trolled internet sites daily looking for her "perfect" guy. Basically, she had a relationship formula: add willing male and stir. Hey, it worked for her--a year (and many, many internet conversations and in-person dates) later, she is happily married and trying for a kid. Kelly, however, is a serial monogamist. Not only does she end up living with everyone she's ever been on a first date with, she ends up taking care of their pets, and generally supporting the jerks. While I certainly don't condone going to these lengths, this pattern has taught her that she has trouble after the five month mark. Usually, this is when her current guy's EI runs out and she turfs him, but recently she hit that point and couldn't understand why. Her guy was employed, intelligent and caring. She just realized that she got the five-month itch.
The thing is: until you know yourself, you are not going to be able to recognize "the perfect partner". They could be masquerading as the guy in the apartment next to you, the girl you've always liked to talk to in the cafeteria, or your very best friend, who just happens to have had a crush on you for a year. Without dipping your toe in the water, how can you find out how warm it is? Sure, sometimes it's cold, and sometimes it's a bit to hot for comfort, but honestly, if you don't jump, how are you going to convince that hot lifeguard on the beach to come and save you?
Kidding. Go dive.
