BallaDiva "The Unknown"

Damn whut a fucked up day! I couldn't get any sleep last nite and all I had on my mind was my true love but i woke up in pain. Anywyaz i had ta go to my first job which is workin wit my granddad well step granddad if you wanna call it that. He is so nice and he wants me to open up to him but hell I don't even open up to my family or any for that matter and I don't plan to any soon cuz i do things by myself and I handle my shit by my damn self, I dont need anyone to judge me or anything. Now what's the point I mean noone in this world will ever understand me so hey it's just a waste of my breath to open up, plus don't anybody need to know about my buisness anyway feel me? But yea work was fast today but I was just so down bout her that I could hardly focuz right it's a shame u know? But most of that time I was just thinking anyways. But anywayz I had to leave like 15 minutes early and then race to this like basketball game in which I played like shit in. I can't stand me sometimes, I mean I have so much skills and I really got game but I just don't have the confidence but the thing is I never did. I never EVER had confidence bout what I can do. I mean I just had so many let downs in my life and so many people have done or said tihngs to me that shit I just gave up and now I don't have confidence. But I played a shitty game and therefore that just made my day and matters worse! But then I had to race to my second job and when I walked through the doors BAM! there she stood and my heart just sank to floor..... I had to text my sisiter just to let her know how bad I was hurtin, I had to tell someone. You won't believe whut the hell she bust out with? She said she going to back home.. IN JAMAICA! I promise she wants to kill me. It's bad enough that I can't have her as my girl but then not to see her almost llike everyday! I don't thing I can bare. Man I promise at times I don't know what to do anymore. Then outta the blue she writes a litle note and explains some shit and that crap jus hurt me so much that I wanted to cry but NO, HELL NOOOOOOOO, I'm a fuckin soldier an I aint gonna let this get to me. NOOOOOO...... feelings go away please I don't think I can take this anymore! What are you trying to tell me? That we were meant to be? My heart tells me the same thing but for some I don't think she is listenin to hers. Feelings please stop holdin me down I already got enough shit to worry bout. You know the bad part about being down and depressed is? Well I am not a sane person an whut I start to do is bring up all the feelings that I always push away. The worst memories of my life (which is a lot) starts to come and haunt me. Then I get even more depressed and it just gets realli bad. Damn my whole body is hurt with that I can't even type right.... You know what I don't think I'm going to write anymore... I'll explain the rest later. BUT PLEASE MIND JUST LET ME GET SOME REST!!!!!!

~BallaDiva~
"TRUST NOONE UNLESS THEY GIVE YOU A REASON TO TRUST THEM!"

I did the shit once again! I fell in love and then once again I get hurt. I knew I shouldn't have liked the gurl to begin with, but for some reason I couldn't help myself. I knew she had a man but the more i denied my feelings towards her, the more i fell for her. Then eventually I fell in love with her. I mean I tried really hard not to love her, but it was no use I did and we hit it off from there. I mean whut was a gurl suppose ta do, ignore the situation? HELL NO! I knew I was wrong we both were, but deep down it felt so right! I knew it wasn't the honest thing to do so whut did I do? I cut it off, but why wouldn't she come with me? Why couldn't she have left her man? At times i feel like I treated her better than her man, and i truely believe I did. But now who gets hurt in the end? I almost gave that gurl the world and now I'm in so much pain. Have you ever hurt so bad that your heart just starts to cave in? I swear I can't breathe, I mean she hurt me to the point where I can't even think straight. I mean every OTHER minute I'm down or cryin when I think bout it. My eyes are even swollen that I can harldy see the keys that I am typin on the damn computer. I'm not even the one to cry either and it's pissin me off! Damn now I'm fuckin upset that I'm cryin like a punk ass bitch! Its AMAZING how a human bein can hurt someone! Usually I can get over shit like this but for some reason I can't get over this that easily. I mean I got a headache thinkin bout this shit! Oh well whut doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?....... Or am I already dead..........
~BallaDiva~
"TRUST NOONE UNTIL THEY GIVE YOU A REASON TO TRUST THEM!"