Straight Up

Well I lost all my money in Vegas......again. I've been there like 4 times, but I ain't never won shit. Everyone around me wins, but I never do. However, I did have a nice conversation with some Mexican hookers. Upon inspecting their I.D's, I came to find that they were 19 years old even though they were in a bar in Vegas. I don't even know why I was talking to them at 5 a.m., but men are like that. When women approach us we never tell them to leave us alone, even when there are two black guys in mink jackets and lime green suits watching our every move. Of course once I realized what was happening I was out of there toot sweet and back to bed at the Hooters Hotel and Casino. I'm not kidding.

So let's get a bucket of wings and a bottle of Dom and answer some questions for the week!

Q: What do men fear most about marriage? What do women fear?

Well I can't really answer for a woman. Unless of course they intend on marrying me. In such a case their only fear would be years of pleasure and sensual delights not yet experienced in our time. Much less this world. I'm pretty good at doing it.

Guys have many fears when it comes to marriage, commitment is the big one everyone always mentions, but I think a lot of guys would be willing to commit if women would just shut the hell up sometimes. However I think the main fear for a man is responsibility. Ya see as soon as we're born we're expected to perform. We compete at sports at a young age and it's very important for us to win. Not only are we supposed to be athletic but we also have to have the answer for everything. If a man doesn't provide for his family he's looked down upon by society. We're shackled to our desks at work until we die, just so we can provide. A woman doesn't have that responsibility. If she doesn't want to get a job all she has to do is find a man to support her. I'm not saying women have it better then men. I've never personally had to sit down in a Port-A-Potty. I'd rather get married then have to do that for the rest of my life.

As a 25 year old woman, what I fear most about getting married is that it could end in divorce. I would be thinking, what was the point of all that? I want to get married I guess, but it's not at the top of my priority list. Some women my age have already been married for 4 years, or are planning a marriage. Some women just mature faster. I wont be thinking about marriage until I meet the guy I want to marry. He will be the one who is able to get me off on penetration alone.

As for men, I think that they fear long term. It's hard to sign a 50-year lease. That is scary shit. No one likes to be stuck. When men get married, they are giving up the chance that they could meet a hot girl in a bar one night, who happens to be going to Australia for 10 days and is adventurous enough to invite him. Unfortunately, any man who is married would have to say no. I believe many men would rather wait and see if that ever happens then get married. Eventually, the smart guys realize that it wont. So, they get their life together, get a good job they are happy with, and start looking for a woman who will be nice, supportive, and make a good mother. I don't know if they are necessarily smart, but they are doing it the right way. As of now anyways. Who knows how things will change. In 20 years, I might have to deal with my son coming to me and telling me that he is dating Toodles, the next door neighbor dog. People just need to meet the person who can soothe their fears and bring out the best them. True love shouldn't be based on marriage.

Comments for the week: What are your fears?