Straight Up

It was a warm San Francisco night last night which is always a good time. It's easy to get sucked up in LA and forget what real cities are like with real people walking around the streets. I love LA, but you gotta wash that smog off your lemon tree every now and again.

RIP Steve Howe. I hope he wasn't fucked up when he wrecked his car, but when you've been suspended 7 times from major league baseball for drug violations it wouldn't be surprising if he wasn't in a normal state of mine when he wrecked his car.

On a happier baseball related not Craig Biggio still hold the record for get plunked at bat(hit by pitch) I think he's been beaned over 300 times. Pretty cool dude!

What kind of advice would you give to a guy that wants to meet a lot of
women? I know there are a few books out there on the subject, but some of
them seem so cheesy. How do you become a player?

Well, I think you just answered your own question. Key word, Cheesy. If you
are cheesy, you are going to make it in todays day and age. Everyone is
coming up with a new Cheese theory, I can't even stand it anymore. It's
like, "shut up, all you are doing is making think of how bad I want to eat
cheese when I am trying to starve myself!" No wonder Americans are fat, they
are believing that the meaning of life revolves around food. Like, sharp
cheddar, mmmmmmmm. Okay anyway, the cheese books are the biggest sellers.
Have you ever heard of "Who Moved My Cheese?" Yea, it's the hippest book I
have ever read, you should pick it up, the typing is huge and it talks about
mice in a maze. A first grader would probably get a kick out of it. Sorry, I
am off on a cheese tangent. #&^%! cheese.

How do you become a player? Well, women don't want players you goose. That's
how we are fooling you. You think that we want players, but all we are doing
is playing you!! hahahah. You really honestly believe that we want a player?
No. Way off buddy, we are just seeing who is smart enough not to fall for
our little ploys. The ones who are players will remain lonely players for
the rest of their lives. So, if you want to get in a lot of women's pants,
which I am guessing is what you are trying to do, don't know why because I
thought all men didn't want to get married and have a family, however your
actions prove otherwise? Then tell them you want to get married and have a
family. You can even lie and you won't be lying. If you have a drink of
water, you are thirsty. If you eat, you are hungry. So cheesy, but oh so
true. Hopefully now you can understand why more and more people are becoming
gay.

If you listen to Lindsey you're gonna end in a relationship and I don't think you want that. Nobody really does when they're young. You may think you do, but you're just not ready.

So how to meet chicks? I've spent countless hours going over this in my mind and trying to figure out the key to meeting, dating, and successfully bedding women. I feel like I've been on my own little Manhattan Project. I've calibrated the scales, successfully figured out an equation to find the average volume of the female vagina(it's v squared minus p over c where v= vagina and p and c are pubic hair and clitoris respectively), and done numerous water displacement tests with my scrotum. It's consumed a greater portion of my life to say the least.

So far what I've come up with is that there IS a key to meet women. The problem is that the key is different for each guy. A generalization of that would be to just play up your strengths. I have good looking male friends who have the rest of us already beat and don't really have to try hard. For everyone else it's a little more difficult.

What seems to work for me(and again this is a theory so feel free to tell me I'm wrong Lindz btw I can tell you how much of any substance your vagina can hold) is my sense of humor and the fact that I'm very open and honest when I speak.

For example I was giving this girl who I had just met a really hard time about her music tastes the other night. I was basically saying she couldn't possibly like music if she liked the bands she said she did. After she called me an asshole and walked away her friend came up and told me that the first girl secretly had a crush on me. Too bad she has terrible taste in music.

Anyway my point is that while I was talking to her I wasn't being mean, just kind of teasing her and making jokes and being honest about my opinion.

You have to figure your own "Talisman" or whatever works for you.

In the meantime I need to come up with a quick little guide on how to manage the male strengths.

Maybe we should make that a topic of the week and then I can report the results.

Topic: Girls, what do you look for in a man when you first meet him. I know we all like funny people. That's like saying you like chocolate. I'm talking about when a guy first walks up, what do you notice?