Rules for Dudes
This week I have been driving a van cross country to Philly. I started in Portland OR. I am in a motel 6 somewhere in Ohio at the moment. I did not realize this but after you hit Detroit you have to go south through Ohio or else I 94 runs out and you end up in Canada. 2 hours out of my way and now I am back on track…physically. This is the second time I have driven cross country alone and alone its one of the most boring and tiring things you can do. It does however allow you a lot of time to think. It forces you to think is actually a more appropriate way to put it. Lately I have been thinking a lot about ways to improve myself. Things like exercise, meditation and living a bit healthier. Dont worry I still wanna party and hang out with chicks, but I want to feel good about myself while I do it. I think from all of this personal introspection I have become a lot more sensitive to the problems going on in a lot of my friends lives. A lot of dudes have it real bad right now as far as relationships go so I figured I would write down a list of my rules that I believe can save you a lot of grief when it comes to relationships and women. Kinda like Lykis 101 but this is for young good looking dudes like myself that actually like women. I dont live by my rules as much as I probably should, but this is more like things that I try to aspire to.
1. Always wear condoms. I know how great sex feels without them. Actually it fuckin sucks with them. But getting freaked out by your girlfriend every month when she misses her period or worrying about every itch or pain in your balls really fucking sucks. A lot of chicks like to pull this move when you break up with them where they conveniently miss their periods. I have seen this happen to a lot of guys, myself included and it is usually that they just stressed out. Instead of getting a pregnancy test they like to call you first so you can also be stressed with them. The only thing worse in when they actually are pregnant.
2. Tell the truth. I have had to learn this one the hard way many times. I think I finally got it down though. As hard as it is if you do not want to be with a girl then tell her. It will save a lot of time and heartache in the long run. This is different then not telling her though. If you think that there are some things she does not need to know then there is not any reason to tell her.
3. Do not get married til you know what the fuck you want to do with your life. This is one I totally agree with Tom Lykis on as he always says never get married before 25. I am 25 now and I still feel way to young so I always modify this one for myself. This is the same advice my mom has been giving me since I was little. She is definitely right on this one.
4. If you get married get a prenup. I have never been married do not plan on it either, but I know a lot of guys who are. I do not care if you are the janitor at the same high school you went to, get a prenup. The problem here is that dudes never think about how much money a woman has when we meet her. We are too busy trying to make our lives good so we can take care of others that it never dawns on us that when you get a divorce all that shit you were working for will be taken away from you. It does not matter if she is nail in your best friend shes still gonna try to take half. That is if youre lucky.
5. Dont ever sleep with a friends girlfriend. I would even extend this to ex girlfriends. If youre not close with the dude then bang the shit out of her but if you are my buddy and you nail one of my girlfriends exes or whatever your gonna get punched. This is chick shit. They do that stuff. We should not. If this is a hard one for you try to surround yourself with ugly dudes. Id also say try not to sleep with anyone girlfriend in general but cmon lets be serious here.
6. Try not to drink too much. I have a problem with drinking more then I need to. Drinking too much makes it really hard to live by the rules youve set for yourself.
7. Ask your parents for advice. They have been through all this shit. Some people are born unlucky with real shit parents but if you got cool ones be sure to use them as a resource. Moms are the best when youre a dude cause they do not judge you and they know how evil women can be.
8. Get a fuckin road map. Youll get to Philly a lot sooner and saner if you do.
Im not one of those originalists like Thomas or Scalia so I believe that the Constitution is a living document. Not that im comparing my list above to the US constitution. Im just saying that these rules could change given the situation. I think its just important that as you go through life you consider your surroundings and maybe have some fuckin idea of what you want. Some dudes never think about it and they get real fucked up real fast. Women will fuck you up faster then anything else. You got no one to blame in the end but yourself.
Rule number 6 hits home for me -I have been working on my drinking issue as its not quite a problem yet - the thing is drinking is fun! I love the way I feel personally when Im drunk - it is unfucking believable- you're like in a world of yor own, everything is sideways, you feel good, everythings funny, you think in depth-its fun. I want to stop but there is no substitute- I dont do drugs - I may puff the magic dragon from time to time but that chronic shit just slows my heart rate down its not fun! But man! A bottle of Barcardi straight is just awesome! Ok .. Its not even happy hour and Im getting happy already.
Parents - My parents are perfect. If i ask for advice it just emphasises how much of a loser I am - like mom which guy should I pick number one or number 2 - I never thought Id raise a skut for a daughter, you need to go to church, you need JEsus, buy some decent clothes go to church and get a nice boy blah blah - so I dont ask my parents Id rather ask Jeeves -
Here's an ammendment to rule number 5 - never kiss and tell - maybe you c an still bang your friends ex chic if she is cool and dsent kiss and tell either- I mean what if she were the ONE!
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 10/04/05 @ 15:14
Comment by acpjbabyboihotboi [Member] — 10/06/05 @ 17:49
No condoms? Love it, love it, love it! Cannot for the life of me understand why such a beautiful act has to be separted by a wrinkly bit of latex. I guess there are other options though - one regular partner, trust, both checking yourself out for STDs first, and using other forms of contraception. Yeah, please feel free to poke me if I'm living in fantasy land. Still, maybe something to aspire towards. Love skin on skin.
Hey Ice, when it comes to parental advice, I reckon I'd ask Jeeves too. Very bloody funny. Who the hell is Jeeves anyway? Does he exist? Is he real? Does he use condoms? Is he some butler dude with a penchant for reading encyclopedias in his time off from butlering? I reckon he does use road maps though.
Okay Ice, or anyone, maybe I haven't been reading enough encyclopedias. Need some clarification on some of those contraceptive terms you used. While I thought I was pretty up with all that, either I'm a dumb arse or you use different terminology that we do in Australia. What is the patch, inserts (encare) and the shot?
Oh yeah, Jed, the other way to go to get the the skin-on-skin pleasure without worrying about some chick ringing you and sharing her stress (diddumms), you could always go the snip.
If you're writhing in horror, I'm laughin'...
Comment by Juji [Member] — 10/07/05 @ 17:50
No condoms? Love it, love it, love it! Cannot for the life of me understand why such a beautiful act has to be separted by a wrinkly bit of latex. I guess there are other options though - one regular partner, trust, both checking yourself out for STDs first, and using other forms of contraception. Yeah, please feel free to poke me if I'm living in fantasy land. Still, maybe something to aspire towards. Love skin on skin.
Hey Ice, when it comes to parental advice, I reckon I'd ask Jeeves too. Very bloody funny. Who the hell is Jeeves anyway? Does he exist? Is he real? Does he use condoms? Is he some butler dude with a penchant for reading encyclopedias in his time off from butlering? I reckon he does use road maps though.
Okay Ice, or anyone, maybe I haven't been reading enough encyclopedias. Need some clarification on some of those contraceptive terms you used. While I thought I was pretty up with all that, either I'm a dumb arse or you use different terminology that we do in Australia. What is the patch, inserts (encare) and the shot?
Oh yeah, Jed, the other way to go to get the the skin-on-skin pleasure without worrying about some chick ringing you and sharing her stress (diddums), you could always go the snip.
If you're writhing in horror, I'm laughin'...
Comment by Juji [Member] — 10/07/05 @ 17:51
Comment by Juji [Member] — 10/07/05 @ 17:53
where in the world have you been - besides Lindz and Jed I was almost talking to myself - well lets see - Jeeves is one of the most recognizable faces throughout the world with insight in almost every topic imaginable... if you don't know it chances are Jeeves knows..www.ask.com Ironically he looks like a butler who reads the encyclpedia but he's the man I turn to when I don't know the answers.
My God no condoms? Can you have sex without condoms??? joking - I remember the good old days - personally I havent had sex for a year by choice since dating my two lovely gentlemen whom have since offered me two lovely proposals of marriage - I have accepted none...Jed call me also for a road trip as I can give you a hard time and we'd get there faster "Jed, are we there yet? .. Jed ... Jed.. "
Juji you're right about having one partner -its just so darn hard to find someone that you know will be momogamous!
Contraceptive: Ok.. the patch is like a square film that you can get from your doctor which you can place on your body (its sticky like a bandage almost)(back, butt, arms) pretty much anywhere and the contraceptive penetrates into the blood stream. It;s good I believe for a month and then you replace it but then if youre with one partner and you think you can trust that person for skin on skin action then it's supposed prevent from pregnancy but not STDs...The insert (encare) my choice of contraception when aside from condoms is shaped like a bullet and about an inch in measurement you insert it into the vagina like you would a tampon (except it dosent have an applicator) ewww fingers - and after awhile it gets a little warm and moist (good for a bit of lubrication - not that I need it but good anyways)it lasts for about 4 hours does not prevent STDs -then there is the shot which is a vaccination or injection of contraception into the blood ( this one i dont know the expiration period)and that does not prevent stds as well. I know you must have your own terminology for these in Austrailia. the patch and the shot has side effects of weight gain but encare has no side effects -
Aside for that I am throwing a party tonight in commemoration of my 1 year of celebacy - I will be serving smothered cock (as in a rooster ...chicken) Meat balls, chocolate eclairs, mussels (shaped like vaginas) and oysters..among other phallic foods. We will be playing games like beat your meat (which is basically to see who tenderizes abig chunk of steak first)... eat my pie (pie eating contest) and slippery when wet (swimming pool twister)- and of course we wil be serving sex on the beach (the drink) and the slogan of the night is bottoms up.. About 30 of us including one of the gentlemen (the scientist) whom I was currently dating...so ill be SMASHED tonight heheh .. dont worry Ill tell you about it tomorrow - hope this party does not end with a bang!
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 10/07/05 @ 19:40
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 10/08/05 @ 11:19
Oh new resolution - no drinking of alcohol of any type for 1 year....
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 10/08/05 @ 21:35
Comment by Hawkwind [Member] — 10/09/05 @ 16:51
Comment by icequeen [Member] — 10/09/05 @ 18:55
Comment by Don Yuan [Visitor] — 04/06/08 @ 15:29