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Straight Up


Easy Rider

Filed under: Life — Hawkwind @ 11:45:51 pm

What a week. I almost forgot that this was Jesus's time to ascend into heaven. Thank you Jesus, see you and all your chocolaty glory this time next year.

and without further ado:

Q: My girlfriend is kind of different. I love her and everything is great,
except for one thing. She insists upon listening to the Knight Rider Theme
song over and over again when we have sex. She says that is the only thing
that gets her going. Unfortunately, I have found that I can't even get off
anymore because the song is so annoying. We are stuck between a rock and a
hard place. What should I do?

You know sometimes we get what seems like prank questions here at
Friendsation, but then you hear about guys getting killed from
perforated rectums while having sex with horses so you can't really
assume anything anymore. As a professional, it is my duty to take a
serious look at all my patients and then give my diagnosis no matter
how absurd it seems.

That being said, you should quit being such a pussy and get into it
with your girlfriend. It's not like she wants to watch Knight Rider.
Sometimes people like a little background noise when making love. I
prefer to listen to a pre-recorded tape of my mother reading my list
of chores for the week. See, in comparison your gal seems pretty normal

You should see how far you guys can take it without laughing. Do your best "Robot Kit" voice and say
things like "That's right. Take it Michael, take my stick-shift up
your tailpipe, I mean my tail pipe, that's it lick my pipe."

Shit sorry, "lick pipe" even grossed me out there.

I bet if you got real crazy and graphic like illustrated above it
might even turn her off and she wouldn't even want to hear it anymore. Then
again you could get stuck fucking to the "A-Team." Sometimes life is
about compromises.

Uh. I think I just got turned off. I myself prefer music like Warren G
Regulator, or Snoop Dog Lodi Dodi when I am doing it. Or even pure moods.
Pure Moods is by far the best music to *%@$#&$ to. But everyone has their
own mood lifters and shifters. If you are truly no longer getting off then I
would sit your girlfriend down and say, "I am not getting off." But you have
to tell her that you want too. If she knows that you want to get off but
can't because of the Knight Rider repetition, if the song isn't repetitive
enough by itself, then I am pretty sure that you taking action such as
sitting her down and talking to her about this will make a huge difference.
There is no point in holding stuff back, not when the issue is dealing with
sex. Sex is too beautiful and special of a subject to ignore. Try using
Jed's line, or poem, whatever it is on her, and then get back to us and let
us know if it works. Good Fluck.

P.S Same goes for women. If you are not getting off with your boyfriend,
take him aside, sit him down and tell him that you want too. He will listen.
If he doesn't then he is just using you.

So what out there has been your weirdest request in the bedroom? We here at wanna know. Winner gets free rent next door to me until the new neighbors move in.


  1. I ain't heard of dudes dying due to perforated rectums as a result of horse sex. But then again, I don't hang with animal lovers. You? Now that'd be a weird bedroom request. Here, lick the pipe of this equestrian I got tethered here in the corner. I'm afraid your sick mind is contagious!

    Comment by Juji [Member] — 04/17/06 @ 17:31

  2. Ha, well Lindz and I from Washington where a man was recently killed from getting it from a horse. Apparently it's not even illegal yet suicide is. Welcome to America.

    Comment by Hawkwind [Member] — 04/17/06 @ 20:52

  3. How is suicide illegal? What are you going to take a dead body to jail? And it is true about the horse.

    Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 04/17/06 @ 21:30

  4. I don't know how it just is. try flinging yourself off a building. If you survive I bet ya they'll take you to jail.

    Comment by Hawkwind [Member] — 04/18/06 @ 11:26

  5. I see, with my luck, I probably would survive.

    Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 04/18/06 @ 12:16

  6. Knight Rider?? That's the creepiest thing... I myself prefer the theme song to The Greatest American Hero or Full House, something sexy like that. As far as weird requests? I've had my ass crack licked, hmm, so wrong but oh so right... An act I will never return by the way...

    Comment by ThisGirlKnowsAll [Member] — 04/18/06 @ 20:07

  7. And oh yea, I remember the horse guy, didn't the farm guy shoot him? Is he in jail? Yea Linds, suicide is illegal you either end up in a Mental Institute or Jail. I can't believe you can rape a poor animal with no repremend but if you attempt suicide they lock you up, ass-backwards, pun intended...

    Comment by ThisGirlKnowsAll [Member] — 04/18/06 @ 20:10

  8. What does it feel like to get your ass crack licked?

    Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 04/18/06 @ 22:06

  9. Are you talking about eating ass or just licking the crack?

    Comment by Hawkwind [Member] — 04/19/06 @ 12:03

  10. I think more people would be apt to telling you what their strangest request in the bedroom was if you were to tell them yours.

    Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 04/19/06 @ 13:36

  11. I had some salad for lunch today......guess what kind of salad I had? fill in the blanks, bet cha never guess

    T _ _ S _ _. What is it? Hmm?

    Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 04/19/06 @ 13:38

  12. Is there a name for it? I don't know, lets just say there was some time spent in certain areas... Who knew the ass had so many senses??

    Comment by ThisGirlKnowsAll [Member] — 04/19/06 @ 20:38

  13. Wow this column has really degenerated. With no help form me even!

    Comment by Hawkwind [Member] — 04/20/06 @ 10:51

  14. i cant be lieve that i just read all that ...omg ..that is some sick shit right there ...i mean eating kitty is one thing ...but snacking on someones sphicter is just wrong

    Comment by riot024 [Member] — 04/20/06 @ 17:19

  15. Why? What makes one type of munching right and another type wrong? Don't know that it's subject to any particular set of rules except for what works between two consenting adults.

    Comment by Juji [Member] — 04/21/06 @ 14:52

  16. Don't knock it till you try it... My ass is a delicacy!

    Comment by ThisGirlKnowsAll [Member] — 04/21/06 @ 20:34

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