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Juji's Blog

12/05/05

Chick-Chat, Poddicts and Sharts. Huh?

Filed under: Posts — Juji @ 04:39:22 pm

I'm constantly amazed by trends - are we that bored as human beings that we have to keep inventing and re-inventing new things to keep us occupied and entertained? Take, for instance, FUNKtionary, a new dictionary recently published in Australia - it's a compilation of funked-up lingo reflecting the weird and whacky things we modern-day humans do. Here's a sample:

ABDOCATE: Giving up all hope of ever having a 6-pack (I'd settle for a 4...maybe even a 2)
ARSEMOSIS: winning promotions by sucking up your boss's arse (BTW, 'Ass' in Aussie-speak is 'Arse')
BAKED POTATO: A couch potato munching out 'cos he's stoned (note the 'he' 'cos us chicks are too refined for that sort of behaviour)
BLONG - seriously out-there bling - Whoa! I only just caught up with bling!
BOYLOOK: the sort of vague, dumb-arse, non-thorough search a guy does when looking for something
CANKLES: Ankles so fat, you can't tell where the calves end and ankles start. Eouw. While I may not be sporting a 6-pack, god shoot me down if I'm ever sporting cankles - they even sound fat!
CHICK-CHAT: All that talk we have to do about you guys 'cos you drive us to chewin' our own arm off
DESIGNER STUBBLE: a few days' growth. Mmmm...must rub me up against some of that! Never mind the pash-rash - it's worth it. Come to think of it, we'd better come up with a trendier version of 'pash rash'. Surely it's a bit passe by now. Stubble-rubble? Any other suggestions?
EARWORM: A song persistently worming its way through your head
EGO SURFING: Searching the net for any mention of your name...Yeah, that's right, you haven't checked in a while. Off you go and lemme know if you come up with anything exciting
FATTLE: The ongoing battle to lose weight - double Eouw. Sorry! I know I'm not terribly sympathetic...I must have a bitch gene floatin' somewhere round behind my 1-pack
FUR KID: a child substitute of the cat, dog, ferret, mouse, hamster, goat, horse or cow variety
HYPER-DATING: A huge dating turnover in a short period of time - Hey, I thought that was called the "slut phase", or is that the slang version Jed?
KITCHEN PASS: when someone, usually the woman, gives their partner (usually the male - sorry if you're gay, it's too complicated to write) permission to go out for the evening. Huh! And you ask me why I'm not married. Well, actually you haven't, but you might. I stopped asking for permission when I was 2.
MOUSE POTATO; A couch potato who substitutes the TV screen for the computer screen. Is that you? God, is it me? I've, in my years of experience and wisdom, graduated from a Couch Potato, to a Baked Potato to a Mouse Potato. On the upside, I will reiterate, I don't look like a potato.
PARASINGLES: 30-somethings living off their folks at home and not paying a cent. BOOT!
PODDICT: Someone addicted to their iPod. Yeah, I know we have 12 stages for just about everything, but Poddicts Anonymous? And, even if they leave their iPod at home, would they
Be suffering from Earworms?
PREHAB: the mind-fucking bender you go on before going into rehab
TUCKSHOP-LADY ARMS: (Do you call the school canteen the tuckhop in the US?). Anyhow, speaks for itself - fat, flabby upper arms - triple...Okay, I will stop now.
YOYO: "You're On Your Own" - Now that's an easy ditching line - simple, 4 letters, 2 syllables, see-ya.
YURP: a mixture between a yawn and a burp - sounds painful. Is that possible? One requires breathing in, and the other breathing out. Talk about multi-tasking.

And, my own invention: The SHART: Somewhere between a shit and a fart. Big FAT EEEOOOUUWWW.

Hey, I need a name for this chick who's drivin' me to distraction at this regular gig I go to. She's like one hundred and fifty, dresses like the cheer-leader chick who sang 'Oh, Mickey', and attempts to gyrate sexily in front of the guys - although don't know that I can use the words sexy and one-hundred-and-fifty in the same sentence. Help. She's making me puke. And, why am I so fixated by her. Maybe I'm worried I'll look like her one day. I already told my girlfriends that if I'm ever so old and dumb that I don't know when I'm makin' a fool of myself, please just shoot me dead.

Okay, that's quite a spiel from me this week. I wanna know what to call this ancient.
I wanna know if any of you Melbournites caught my little blogging story in mX.
I want your input into this FUNKtionary. Maybe we could call in FRIENDSATION-ICTIONARY. Yah!
I wanna know if you think I'm insane - not that I really care. I just wanna know. If I cared, that'd make me a SHEEPLE: someone who's influenced by what people think.
Juji x

Comments

  1. You better watch out... you better not cry... you better not pout... I'm tellin' you why... Santa Claus in comin' to town! You get my drift?... You need to keep it on the down low... and chill. Bela Lugosi is dead. And so is the the non sequitur. Splish, splash I was taking a bath!

    Comment by Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer [Visitor] — 12/06/05 @ 02:06

  2. Hey Rudy. Santa pisses me off! He brings with him all of these expectations to be places I don't wanna be, do things I don't wanno do and spend money on crap for people I don't want to spend money on. Aside from that, I'm pretty chilled.

    Language excites me.

    You also intrigued me. A bit of reseach uncovered that Bela Lugosi was "the screen's most notorious personification of evil"...Mmmm...Apart from a dire wish that Santa jingle himself to oblivion, I ain't t got an evil bone in my body.

    Did you put bubbles in your bath?

    Comment by Juji [Member] — 12/06/05 @ 17:45

  3. Just had an idea for a new word for the dictionary:
    TELEGASM: an orgasm you have as a result of phone sex.

    While it definitely ain't for me, it's rather cute.

    Comment by Juji [Member] — 12/06/05 @ 18:58

  4. Juji-ism... A collection of thoughts and ideas that seems edgy and dangerous but is really sweet and sugary... like a black and white sitcom from the 1950's. And yes, I am the personification of evil which you have unwittingly brought back to life to save the dying artform of the written word.

    Comment by Weirdo [Visitor] — 12/07/05 @ 01:18

  5. Hah, very witty and fairly astute observation too.

    Glad you're rising from the dead. It's the only way to live.

    Comment by Juji [Member] — 12/08/05 @ 16:07

  6. Well, I finally succumbed to media pressure and went out to do the Christmas shopping. I thought I'd be smarter than everyone else and go to a huge 24-hour department store at midnight on a Sunday night. Be dead as a doornail. Zip in, zip out, be done. Well...seems like everyone else in the country thought they'd be smarter than everyone else too. Queues were a mile long, you couldn't find an assistant anywhere, let alone any specific item you were looking for, and when I finally got to the register, the chick was so frazzled she was nearly in tears.

    So, basically I must confess to possessing an element of Sheeple, but I can't see a way out. Being at a huge family, Christmas gathering and not having gifts for everyone is unthinkable. And it is great to see all my nieces and nephews having a blast amidst a mountain of wrapping paper. So, I've resolved, like everything in life, you get out what you put in.

    How's it going for everyone else pre-Christmas? Do you like it, or is it a pressure? Juji x

    Comment by Juji [Member] — 12/11/05 @ 16:45

  7. Have a holly, jolly Christmas!... And in case you didn't hear... Oh by golly have a holly, jolly Christmas this year!

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