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Juji's Blog


Bright Sparks or Dull Embers?

Filed under: Posts — Juji @ 06:14:33 pm

A girlfriend of mine is unhappy with the guys she's meeting through an online dating service (obviously, it's not Friendsation!). Her main complaint is that she's waiting for lightening to strike, yet comes away from coffee dates pretty unexcited about the dudes she's meeting, and couldn't care less whether she ever saw them again. She's asking me if she's being silly by expecting immediate, loin-warming chemistry at first sight. So it got me thinking about my past relationships and whether the guy instantly bowled me over in a star-struck stupor, or whether they gradually grew on me - like mould. I worked out there'd been a bit of both, and that the ones who grew on me slowly ended up being the best relationships. Fancy that!

Jack was instant attraction - so stunningly gorgeous you didn't want to tear your eyes away from him. I was smitten. Works out he was awaiting a lawsuit for (allegedly) having hit his model ex-girlfriend in the face and destroying her modelling career. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, (he hadn't been found guilty), I had him over for dinner and when he realised we weren't gonna go the casual sex route (pardon the pun), he totally cooled and that was the end of that. Who knows, he might even be in jail.

Stuart came onto me at a concert. I wasn't interested (he was scrawny), but he kinda hung around and persisted, came to the nightclub afterwards and joined us for a 6.30am breakfast at my favourite bakery in Fitzroy Street, St Kilda. He then wooed me for a while and, much to my surprise, we ended up dating for a year and a half and it wasn't half bad.

D's a super spunky, super-muscly sex machine with gorgeous eyes and lips. Goes without saying I was pashing him in the nightclub after knowing him for about 5 minutes (well, I was only 19 or so). Madly in lust with him for several months, he then disappeared overseas and married another chick. Hmmpphhhh!!!! And then, on his return to Oz, turns out his wife's pretty frigid and he wants me for sex and her for the facade of a happy relationship. How about a nice bit of Fuck Off?

Brian was persistent. I was running a 7-day-a-week restaurant at the time and had little time for anything else. He'd call in frequently, ring and harass me till I went out with him. He didn't grab me at first. He was so loud and New York. Didn't stop jabbering for a second. Anyhow, he turned out to be super sweet (when I could shut him up), he was a chef and jumped in to give me a hand with the shop and was totally cool.

So, what happened to Brian? I stuffed it up in a moment of weakness with D! Well, I am only human after all. Anyhow, the point of opening the closet and pulling out these skeletons is that all of my good ones happened gradually over time even though were no sparks at the beginning. That leads me to conclude that one coffee date really isn't enough to properly suss out a potential partner. Unless they're so vile you want to puke, I'd suggest catching up with them a few times, especially 'cos everyone's so nervous the first time, you don't get a good idea of each other anyway.

How have your relationships started? As friends you end up falling in love with? Or as a lightening bolt, love- at-first-sight moment? Juji x


  1. What is this coffee date crap. How can you have a spark at a coffeeshop. What is this "You've got Mail" or something?

    get drunk and screw the dude. if he calls you back he really likes you.

    Comment by Hawkwind [Member] — 04/24/06 @ 14:26

  2. You mean, if he calls you back, he wants to fuck you again. Us chicks aren't dumb you know. A coffee date is safe. You're not committed to looking at him for hours if he's the elephant man and snorts his food, there's no aqwardness over who pays the bill, it's generally not night time so that eases the pressure to fuck, (not that you can't fuck during the day but the vibe's different) and not that you'd fuck him if he was the elephant man either - unless you're into that sort of thing.

    Comment by Juji [Member] — 04/25/06 @ 02:13

  3. Yes, listen to Jed....bed the guy you like. Thats the only way you will be able to tell if he really likes you cause if you dont have sex with him, he wont think you like him.

    Comment by CatsandDogs [Member] — 04/25/06 @ 11:54

  4. This is a propaganda war so you guys get more sex. You related to Jed?

    Comment by Juji [Member] — 04/25/06 @ 17:01

  5. No, I am a sexual physiological psychothereaputic psychologist.

    Comment by CatsandDogs [Member] — 04/26/06 @ 11:22

  6. you must be making a stack of cash three times over. I reckon having sex straight away usually means the relationship goes nowhere fast.

    Comment by Juji [Member] — 04/27/06 @ 14:41

  7. The relationship was the sex encounter. You cant have a relationship with any man who wants to have sex right away, they dont think in relating terms. They just want to bone and possibly rape you.

    Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 04/27/06 @ 15:23

  8. Relationships boil down to money, otherwise, what is the point? we as humans need touch and feeling, but why do we have to do it with just on person? Why? Because when you hear, or see or smell something over and over again, you like it more. Kind of like music. It doenst matter how "good" the song is, if you have heard it before you either like it, or you hate it. The more you hear it, the more you like it, or the more you hate it. Same with people.

    Comment by Linzalicious [Member] — 04/27/06 @ 15:27

  9. My opinion is that this website is one of those, created for people with a low intellect level, with a stupidest points of view ever. Seems like only retards gathered together here, to discuss their retarded thoughts. Just read there comments! Man! It’s hilarious. They all act like kids in kindergarten, but kids are even smarter!

    Comment by downthehill [Visitor] — 04/06/08 @ 12:51

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